6:30 And the Super Bowl has begun!!! By the way, I promise to get back to regular columns soon, just been Super-busy lately.
6:33 Just a sign of how extensive the pre-game coverage has been; my mom knows who Vince Wilfork is. My dad still does not know what color uniforms the Giants wear.
6:35 Giants have 1st and 10 around the 35. This is the kind of start that you need to have against the Pats, otherwise you're going to get in the hole momentum-wise. By the way, these are my two least favorite teams.
6:37 The drive stalls after two sacks of Manning. Pats start the next drive at their own 5.
6:39 Audi went with a vampire theme for their Super Bowl Commercial. I blame Twilight. Then again, I blame Twilight for a lot of things.
6:41 Safety! 2-0 Giants on intentional grounding in own end zone by Brady. Does not look like any kind of intentional grounding I've ever seen, but then again screw Brady
6:44 You know how Super Bowl crowds are usually neutral? That's out the window in this one, they might as well be playing in the Meadowlands with how few Pats fans there are.
6:46 Giants are already driving on to the Pats side of the field. Seeing as how the Giants shocked them in the 07 Super Bowl and they beat them earlier this year, the Pats don't look nearly as pissed as they should be. One of my sacred rules of predicting games is "pick the team that looks way more excited". Let's just say the Giants qualify.
6:49 Potentially huge turnover gets nullified by 12 Men On the Field for the Pats. Giants now have Second and Goal at the two.
6:51 Touchdown Giants! Eli Manning threw a two yard touchdown to Victor Cruz. Al Michaels described New England's performance as "un-Patriotlike". I would make a "that means they forgot to plant the cameras" joke before I remembered that I'm a Jets fan and can't make jokes like that until the season's over.
6:54 We have our first Celebrity Apprentice commercial featuring Jon Gaudi's daughter and Adam Carolla. To say that Trump is scraping the bottom of the barrel is an understatement.
6:56 Another great Super Bowl prop bet, is Smash or The Voice going to have more commercials? The line is Smash by 2.5.
6:59 First down New England at the 32 after a 19 yard completion to Welker. The Pats are starting to get in to the Hurry-Up offense as Al Michaels reminds us how well they ran the hurry-up against the Jets. Lets just say that I didn't need the reminder. End of the first quarter Giants 9 Pats 0
7:01 And we have a GoDaddy commercial with Danica Patrick! Remember back in 2003 when those commercials were considered inappropriate? Then Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction happened and those commercials didn't seem so bad by comparison.
7:05 Pats convert a field goal to make it 9-3 Giants.
7:07 Great Doritos commercial. If only life's problems could be solved by bribing people with Doritos.
7:09 This year's Super Bowl commercials was everybody's worst kept secret, you could almost view the whole lineup online. In a semi-related story, it's one to one in the Smash vs Voice bowl.
7:11 Someday, I would really like to pretend this Super Bowl never happened. Just putting that out there.
7:13 Commercial for the new Disney movie the Lorax features this Lorax responding to the question of whether he would hit a woman with "That's a woman?". That's what I found myself saying so often at Cotillion last weekend.
7:15 Howard Stern is joining America's Got Talent. The over/under on accidentally inappropriate jokes is at 9 in three episodes.
7:17 After a 12 Men in the Huddle penalty, Tom Coughlin's face has a reddish hue. That's another interesting prop bet, what color will Tom Coughlin's face be for the majority of the night? I'm going to lay fifteen dollars on light violet.
7:22 Brady's had two passes batted down so far. That's another thing that the Giants do really well, taking away some short routes by batting passes down.
7:24 Travis Beckum is out of the game with an ACL tear, which is a much bigger deal than you'd think. Also, injury reports are really the only situation where sideline reporters are needed.
7:25 As the Giants start their next drive, I really have to wonder where Rob Gronkowski has been. If the Pats lose this game, then Bernard Karmell Pollard will have murdered the 08,09,and 11 Patriots seasons. Unbelievable.
7:27 NBC Broadcast team shows an offensive line graphic where all of the Giant O-Line has their hands out and looks like they're trying to catch and eat a mouse or something. Comedy galore.
7:30 Steve Weatherford pins the Pats inside their own five yet again. Yet another punter that the Jets cut that turned out to be great. Hey, who needs that guy when you've got T.J. Conley and his 35 yard net punting average?
7:33 The Giants are absolutely slaughtering the Pats in time of possession and total plays run. The Pats should really count themselves as lucky to only be down 9-3.
7:34 Gronkowski finally shows up and catches a 20 yard completion for a first down. He's the X Factor in this game, if he can get rolling the Pats are unstoppable. If he's average, then the Pats are beatable. If he disappears, then the Giants have a huge advantage.
7:35 We're hopelessly outgunned. Mankind is on the brink of extermination. The man we need..... is Robert Downey Jr.
7:37 I'm all for battling childhood obesity, but I'm not sure I'd qualify my Kinect as exercise.
7:38 This is really a no-win situation for Peton Manning, he's 37 and coming off neck surgery and now has to watch either his biggest rival or his much less cool brother win a Super Bowl on his home field. Meanwhile, if he even decides to play next year, he'll be banished to football hell in Jacksonville or Buffalo. I almost feel sorry for the guy. You know, as much as you can feel sorry for a guy who has made hundreds of millions of dollars over fifteen years.
7:41 Brady is doing a fantastic job running the two-minute offense. When he's on, he's the most terrifying QB in the league. As a Jet fan, I will never be happier to see a player retire.
7:45 Pats are just outside the Giants 10 and I think I'm in hell right now.
7:47 Touchdown Patriots. Pats 10 Giants 9. I would be depressed before I realized that I'm ending up depressed no matter who wins this.
7:50 And the half is over. I am going to go eat dinner and skip the soul-sucking Madonna performance. Be back in a few.
8:22 And we're back as the Pats have the ball at the 20 to start the half.
8:23 First play is a 20 yard completion to Ocho. That's another thing that I hate about the Pats, the fact that they can practically start the stadium janitor at wide receiver and he'd get six catches for seventy yards and a touchdown.
8:25 Even though we just came from halftime, you can see the Giant defense tiring. The most sickening part about this offense is that you can see everything that's about to happen before it happens. You can see the defense tiring, you can see the offensive line generating more and more push at the line of scrimmage, you can predict everything before it happens. I've mentioned the fact that I hate these guys, right?
8:28 Touchdown Pats. Brady to Hernandez 12 yards. This is truly the Super Bowl From Hell
8:29 We're up to three Smash commercials and one The Voice commercial. The Voice might be able to pull off a backdoor cover.
8:33 Big third down conversion from Manning to Nicks. That's the great part about having two elite receivers, you'll usually have one of them open because the defense rolls all their coverage to the other one.
8:35 Giants just outside the Pats red zone. I never realized how tiny the Patriots corners are, I feel like I'm almost taller than them. Then again, you could put in corners that aren't taller than Earl Boykins when you have Tom Brady on offense.
8:37 Lawrence Tynes kicks a field goal to make the score Pats 17 Giants 12. Whatever happens, the Giants can't afford to let the Pats go up by more than ten points.
8:39 To be honest, I never really think about hot women when I see a Fiat. But if Fiat says that's what I should be thinking about.....
8:42 Coca-Cola's really going all-in with those old school polar bear commercials. It's getting to the point where I would like to have the polar bear in my living room just so I could tell him to shut up. If you couldn't tell, the Super Bowl from Hell is making me bitter and sarcastic about everything.
8:46 Pierre-Paul looks shaken up, uh-oh.
8:47 The Giant pass rush so far has been underwhelming to say the least. You always get trouble when you give Brady more than about two and a half seconds to throw. Of course, Brady got sacked to end a Pats drive as soon as I finished typing that.
8:50 Yep, The Voice just logged its second commercial of the Night. Vegas just begged you to lay money on Smash. Also, the announcers are now talking about how great of a job Shaun Ellis is doing. I was wondering if this night could get more depressing.
8:51 Lucky break for the Giants as Hynoski reocvers a Nicks fumble. I'm not saying that this is a sure sign that the Giants are going to win, but this stuff always happens to teams that are about to win the Super Bowl. Don't take that comment at face value because I'm trying to convince myself of every reason why the Pats can't win. I've mentioned that I hate them, right?
8:55 Tynes drills a field goal to make it Pats 17 Giants 15. Even that makes me uncomfortable because all the Pats need is one touchdown plus extra point to make it a two score game again. At least the momentum is no longer solidly on the Pats side, no team in the league takes advantage of momentum quite like New England.
8:59 In to the fourth we go with the Pats up by two.
9:02 If Manning wins this game, he surpasses Roethlisberger and takes the number four spot behind Rodgers, Brees, and Brady. If Brady wins, that puts him past Brees as the best QB in the league in my mind.
9:03 Brady is picked down the field by Chase Blackburn. That was a very smart throw by Brady, it worked out like a punt.
9:05 Yet another lucky break as a Bradshaw fumble is recovered by the Giants, after which Manning calls timeout. Tom Coughlin's face is now a strong shade of violet.
9:07 Loved the Ferris Beuhler style commercial for the CRV. Might be my favorite one of the night.
9:08 And another one for Smash! It's got The Voice on the ropes, it just needs to run out the clock.
9:09 Big third down conversion from Manning to Nicks. It's unbelievable how lucky the Giants have gotten. Two fumble recoveries, five Pats penalties, and a couple bad Brady passes despite a complete lack of pass rush. Wait, why am I complaining about this?
9:14 Giants are across midfield on a Manning to Manningham connection. This is pretty much the only time in life where I'll ever root for the Giants.
9:16 Al Michaels has done a fantastic job so far. He's pointed out that Maninngham has a tendency to fade his deep routes, which leads to incompletions. Those are the pieces of info that I'm looking for from announcers.
9:18 Eli burns another time out to avoid a five yard penalty, and then the Giants get a false start on the next play anyways. Jake Ballard ends up falling as he tries to tell Tom Coughlin that the clock is running out. Only twenty to thirty minutes before the Super Bowl from Hell is over.
9:21 New England starts this drive from the eight. The Giants have been fantastic on special teams today, it feels like the Pats haven't been starting drives on their own 35 and 40 like they usually do.
9:23 Huge conversion to Danny Woodhead for a first down at the 34. Hey, it's not like the Jets could have used him. Who needs that guy when you can have Joe McKnight?
9:26 Uh-oh, The Voice is staging a comeback, it's within one with half of the fourth quarter over.
9:28 Third and three at midfield with five and a half minutes left to go, this is a big one.
9:29 And they got it. It's not that big of a deal, the Giants still have three timeouts left. Hey wait a second, why is there only one dash under the Giants logo? Oh crap....
9:30 The Giants catch another huge break as Welker drops a deep ball from Brady. I would be shocked if the Pats win at this point. I've watched the last seven or eight Super Bowls, and it always comes down to missed opportunities and lucky breaks. I can't remember a team that won the Super Bowl that has been as unlucky as the Pats have tonight.
9:32 Manning completes a huge pass to Manningham that is currently under review. I almost feel sorry for the Pats, this will have been two Stomach Punch Super Bowls against the Giants in a row. For any Pats fans who are depressed about this (assuming that they lose), remember that you aren't the Jets.
9:36 Play stands as called. Unbelievable.
9:37 Manning to Manningham puts the Giants inside the 40 yard line. I suddenly have heartburn.
9:38 We are at the two minute warning as the Giants are inside the Patriot red zone. This has been such a good game that I'm almost forgetting how much I hate the Giants. I'll promptly remember after seeing the Lombardi Trophy being presented to somebody.
9:39 I can't tell you how much of a buzzkill it is to see a commercial for Swamp People during the Super Bowl.
9:40 Our second Danica/Go Daddy commercial made up for the previous Buzzkill Swamp People commercial.
9:41 Nicks gets the first down inside the Pats 10 and goes out of bounds. Not a smart move. By the way, I know Markau is having a coronary right now. I still can't decide whether this is fantastic or terrible.
9:44 Touchdown New York Giants. Bradshaw was about to take a knee at the one, yet his momentum carried him in to the end zone. The two point conversion is no good. Giants 21 Pats 17.
9:45 I can't imagine what was going through Ahmad Bradshaw's mind there. If I were him, I would absolutely fake trying to take a knee and go in to the end zone so I could tell people I scored in the Super Bowl. That's reason number 3,657 I couldn't be a football player. You know, other than a lack of talent and endurance. That too.
9:47 The Pats have to drive the length of the field in under a minute, and yet I don't think it's impossible. That's how terrifying Tom Brady is.
9:48 Two straight drops by Pats receivers brings up third and ten. Wow.
9:49 Fourth and forever with 39 seconds to go. I'm not so sure I like Brady's chances here.
9:50 He converts it! Pats are on their own 42 with seventeen seconds left.
9:52 Brady and the Pats are just short of midfield with five seconds left. I can't even come up with interesting things to say anymore. I've almost whited out.
9:53 Game over. Giants 21 Patriots 17.
And thus the 2011 NFL Season comes to an end. Congratulations to the New York Giants. We'll revisit my preseason predictions to wrap up my NFL columns until the Draft. Hasta la Vista.
The Sports Blog for the rest of us.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
The Divisional Diaries: Giants-Packers
4:32 It's the Giants and Packers with everybody's favorite monotone announcer, Joe Buck!!
4:34 Again, I really don't get why everybody is saying that the Giants are playing better than the first meeting. The first victory against Dallas was the only win post Week 13 where the opposing team showed up, and they should have lost that game too. They got embarassed by Washington and beat three "records are better than they actually are" teams in a row to get here. They played well in the Packers game, but don't tell me that the Giants are coming in to this game on fire.
4:40 This game continues my streak of 350 football games where I don't care what the sideline reporter is saying.
4:42 A one yard gain by Bradshaw on the first play leads to another thing that I really hate to see, defensive linemen avidly celebrating after tackling the running back for a short gain. It's almost as bad as the "I'm on TV!!!!!" idiots from the Niners-Saints diary.
4:44 Manning completes to Manningham for a 19 yard gain after avoiding the rush. That's another thing that nobody ever talks about with Manning and Rodgers, they can move around in the pocket and make blitzers miss.
4:47 Giants are on the Packers 32 with an eleven yard catch by Victor Cruz. Of course, Joe Buck just said "Manning has been so good on third down these past three games" without mentioning that the Jets, Cowboys, and Falcons have all been found to be frauds. That said, Manning has been great so far, they're inside the Packer red zone. Also, Tom Coughlin's face is bright red. I want to see what it would take to turn Coughlin's face purple, although any chance of that probably died when Burress was traded.
4:51 3-0 Giants after a Lawrence Tynes field goal. I also just saw that annoying Southwest Airlines commercial again. Not only am I weeping, I think Deion Sanders might have just killed his vocal chords yelling at the TV.
4:53 Another beauty of a commercial with the snowboarding Ford. Or Nissan. Or whatever. I want to see somebody try crossing car commercials. For instance, start playing the classy luxury car music over a Ford commercial or have the Ford announcer with the really deep voice do a Toyota Camry commercial. These are the things that you start thinking about after dissecting playoff games for two days and writing mega diaries about them.
4:59 Rodgers moving his offense down the field just as quickly as Manning did. Rodgers might be a superhuman, the location of every single one of his passes is absolutely perfect. You don't get any free incompletions with Rodgers, either his receivers have to make a bad play or the defense has to force it. Tom Brady is pretty much the only other QB in the league that I can say that about. Mark Sanchez would rank last in this category for the season and Jake Delhomme would rank last in this category for a career.
5:02 3-3 tie after Mason Crosby hits a 47 yard field goal. Of course, after I finished typing that last post, Rodgers missed a wide open Greg Jennings for a touchdown.
5:08 Manning drops back to pass.
5:09 He's still back there...
5:10 11 yard completion for a first down!
5:10 Touchdown New York Giants!!! Manning to Nicks 66 yard touchdown. That was helped by a failed shoulder tackle by Charlie Pepprah. That's the one thing I hate most about the crazy quarterback/flag football era, very few defenders really execute the proper way to tackle anymore.
5:13 Kickoff goes out of bounds to set the Pack up at the 40. Of course, Joe Buck commented on Tom Coughlin's face, which is currently turning various shades of maroon. I was about to make a "leave it to the Giants to shoot themselves in the leg" joke before I remembered that Plaxico plays for the Jets now.
5:27 Kuhn?
5:27 KUUUUUUHHHHHHNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!! 10-10 Tie, although the Giants absolutely got hosed by the refs on that no fumble call.
5:28 The Packers try an onside kick that doesn't work, giving Eli a short field. Every single sports talk radio person is going to be talking about that one tomorrow if the Giants win. Also, since most of them say the same thing, I'm just going to refer to every sports talk radio host as Boomer and Coach, since Boomer is the most common sports talk nickname and it seems that it's illegal to have a sports talk radio station without someone having the nickname Coach.
5:32 The Packers block a Lawrence Tynes field goal to keep the score at 10-10. I can't wait for Boomer and Coach to break that one down on 95.6 Superfan tomorrow morning.
5:35 Is it just me, or is the referee even more monotone than Joe Buck?
5:37 Rodgers evades a Giant blitz and rushes for a first down to the Giants 40 with 11 minutes left in the second. Nobody ever talks about Rodgers' scrambling ability and you never notice it until he makes 12 yards out of nothing for a first down.
5:43 Joe Buck just had to advertise the new Napoleon Dynamite cartoon and his voice was a mix of horrified and disgusted. That was fantastic.
5:45 Now that I think about it, the whole "Wierd things always happen on the Sunday Night Game of Round Two" is definitely working in the Giants favor.
5:48 Interception! Morgan Burnett picks off Manning with 5 and a half minutes left in the second quarter. That was the first time that the Packers got any kind of pressure on Manning and it made him overthrow that pass in to double coverage. Great defensive play by Green Bay. Also, after three quarters of the diary done, I'm running on fumes. I have to go eat dinner right now, so I'll be back after halftime.
6:13 Of course, I come back downstairs just in time to see a replay of the Hail Mary touchdown. I think Joe Buck might have even raised his voice a little. It's 20-10 Giants at halftime and that Hail Mary switched the whole game in the Giants favor. The Hail Mary combined with all of the drops from Green Bay has just sucked all the momentum from the Packers.
6:18 For such an improbable moment in a game that at least 40 people on my friends list are watching, I'm disappointed by the facebook reaction, only one post. If I could give my friends a "Come on, Man", I absolutely would. The Hail Mary is going to overshadow all of the reasons why the Packers are down right now, drops, no pressure on Manning, and sloppy route execution. These are not the Packers that showed up in Week 13, that's for sure.
6:23 Arsenal! Manchester United! It's the English Premier League next Sunday on FOX!!!
6:27 Is Chris Myers our first male sideline reporter since the 70s? Did they even have sideline reporters in the 70s? Were they as bad as they were today?
6:28 Speaking of bad sideline reporters, Pam Oliver's talking.
6:30 Something's off with Rodgers' coordination with his receivers today, it seems like they're three or four yards out of sync.
6:33 Just as Rodgers is threatening to take it in, the Giants recover a Rodgers fumble. It's almost scripted at this point, every time the Packers look like they might have something going, the Giants kill it.
6:37 I'm running out of witty and insightful things to say. My sugar rush is collapsing and I've seen the same set of about 25 commercials to comment on all weekend. I need something along the lines of the Teleflora commercial from last year's super bowl to turn this entry around.
7:00 Sorry about the 23 minute hiatus, just finishing up putting away the Christmas stuff. The score is 20-13 Giants. I just sat down in time to see Rodgers scramble for a first down at the end of the thid quarter. The Giants defense has been doing an amazing job on the Packers offense so far, I haven't seen Rodgers this flustered since his last press conference.
7:04 Mark Sanchez and Eli Manning used to do those Toyota commercials. Now it's been reduced to just Manning. If that's not a sign to at least think about a quarterback change soon, I really don't know what it will take short of running on to the field in a tuxedo or becoming a Ben Roethlisberger style seedy bar regular.
7:06 Pam Oliver's talking again.
7:07 The Giants stop the Packers on fourth down from their own 40. This game is following the trend of Sunday Night home teams laying an egg (2011 Packers, 2010 Pats, 2009 Chargers, 2007 Cowboys, etc)
7:11 If somebody would have told me before this that the Giants would be beating the Packers despite having exactly one first down by 11 minutes in the fourth quarter, I would never have talked to them about football again.This is unbelievable.
7:17 I think that any and all advertisements for Glee or other dramas of sort should be illegal during football games. Of course, I think that Glee and all other dramas should be illegal.
7:18 Quote from broadcasting buddy Gavin Schall "If David Tyree and Superman had a baby, he would look like Hakeem Nicks" Uh, thanks Gavin.
7:19 Tynes nails a field goal to put the Giants ahead 23-13. You know the Packers are in trouble when Tom Coughlin's face is only a light shade of red.
7:23 What an enlightening report from Chris Myers! So Rodgers said to somebody "We've gotta score"? We're sure about this? Riveting stuff.
7:24 That's a fumble recovery by the Giants returned to the Packers four yard line. The Pack are on the ropes.
7:25 And that's the Knockout Punch! Giants are up 30-13 with a 4 yard pass to Mario Manningham. Stick a fork in the Packers, they're done.
7:26 I realize that this is a depressing day for Packers fans, but at least the State Farm commercial starring Rodgers and Matthews was likeable. Sadly, I think every State Farm commercial has been the highlight of the game for the Packers.Hey Rodgers!! Rodgers!!! DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK!!!!
7:28 My prediction that the Pack would destroy the Giants was not one of my better ones to say the least. I'm just going to pretend that prediction never happened. I would like to point out that I'm doing OK these playoffs, this is my only loss against the spread so far (I picked the Steelers to beat the Broncos, but not by double digits, and I picked the Ravens to beat the Texans, but not by the spread).
7:33 The Packers are driving inside the Giant red zone while Joe Buck pretends that he's still really interested in the last five minutes of this game.
7:36 Joe Buck raised his voice! That means the Packers scored!!! 30-20 New York as Rodgers fires a bullet to Donald Driver for the touchdown.
7:39 The Giants recover the onside kick. Of course, this is the Giants so anything can happen.
7:42 After the Packers force a third and eleven, they generate no pass rush on Eli, who zips it over the middle to a wide open Victor Cruz for 17 yards. That's really the game in a nutshell for the Packers.
7:43 Bradshaw runs for 24 yards, that just about wraps things up.
7:45 Touchdown Brandon Jacobs! That should pretty much wrap the game up. Not only is the fat lady singing, but Tom Coughlin's face has turned completely normal.
Now that this game is basically over, so is the mega-diary. We end the divisional diaries with a huge upset, the Giants beating the Packers. I guess that at the end of the day, the best teams won and we can look forward to a great conference championship weekend. I guess this diary is over because there is nothing more that anyone can say about the divisional weekend. Not me, not Ricky Gervais later tonight, and not Boomer and Coach on 95.7 Superfan.
Score: Giants 37 Packers 20
Parts of the Mega-Diary done: 4 out of 4
Hours spent on the Mega-Diary: 15 give or take a few.
AFC Conference Championship: Patriots vs Ravens
NFC Conference Championship Giants vs Packers
Teams with Super Bowl Hopes Still Alive: Four
4:34 Again, I really don't get why everybody is saying that the Giants are playing better than the first meeting. The first victory against Dallas was the only win post Week 13 where the opposing team showed up, and they should have lost that game too. They got embarassed by Washington and beat three "records are better than they actually are" teams in a row to get here. They played well in the Packers game, but don't tell me that the Giants are coming in to this game on fire.
4:40 This game continues my streak of 350 football games where I don't care what the sideline reporter is saying.
4:42 A one yard gain by Bradshaw on the first play leads to another thing that I really hate to see, defensive linemen avidly celebrating after tackling the running back for a short gain. It's almost as bad as the "I'm on TV!!!!!" idiots from the Niners-Saints diary.
4:44 Manning completes to Manningham for a 19 yard gain after avoiding the rush. That's another thing that nobody ever talks about with Manning and Rodgers, they can move around in the pocket and make blitzers miss.
4:47 Giants are on the Packers 32 with an eleven yard catch by Victor Cruz. Of course, Joe Buck just said "Manning has been so good on third down these past three games" without mentioning that the Jets, Cowboys, and Falcons have all been found to be frauds. That said, Manning has been great so far, they're inside the Packer red zone. Also, Tom Coughlin's face is bright red. I want to see what it would take to turn Coughlin's face purple, although any chance of that probably died when Burress was traded.
4:51 3-0 Giants after a Lawrence Tynes field goal. I also just saw that annoying Southwest Airlines commercial again. Not only am I weeping, I think Deion Sanders might have just killed his vocal chords yelling at the TV.
4:53 Another beauty of a commercial with the snowboarding Ford. Or Nissan. Or whatever. I want to see somebody try crossing car commercials. For instance, start playing the classy luxury car music over a Ford commercial or have the Ford announcer with the really deep voice do a Toyota Camry commercial. These are the things that you start thinking about after dissecting playoff games for two days and writing mega diaries about them.
4:59 Rodgers moving his offense down the field just as quickly as Manning did. Rodgers might be a superhuman, the location of every single one of his passes is absolutely perfect. You don't get any free incompletions with Rodgers, either his receivers have to make a bad play or the defense has to force it. Tom Brady is pretty much the only other QB in the league that I can say that about. Mark Sanchez would rank last in this category for the season and Jake Delhomme would rank last in this category for a career.
5:02 3-3 tie after Mason Crosby hits a 47 yard field goal. Of course, after I finished typing that last post, Rodgers missed a wide open Greg Jennings for a touchdown.
5:08 Manning drops back to pass.
5:09 He's still back there...
5:10 11 yard completion for a first down!
5:10 Touchdown New York Giants!!! Manning to Nicks 66 yard touchdown. That was helped by a failed shoulder tackle by Charlie Pepprah. That's the one thing I hate most about the crazy quarterback/flag football era, very few defenders really execute the proper way to tackle anymore.
5:13 Kickoff goes out of bounds to set the Pack up at the 40. Of course, Joe Buck commented on Tom Coughlin's face, which is currently turning various shades of maroon. I was about to make a "leave it to the Giants to shoot themselves in the leg" joke before I remembered that Plaxico plays for the Jets now.
5:27 Kuhn?
5:27 KUUUUUUHHHHHHNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!! 10-10 Tie, although the Giants absolutely got hosed by the refs on that no fumble call.
5:28 The Packers try an onside kick that doesn't work, giving Eli a short field. Every single sports talk radio person is going to be talking about that one tomorrow if the Giants win. Also, since most of them say the same thing, I'm just going to refer to every sports talk radio host as Boomer and Coach, since Boomer is the most common sports talk nickname and it seems that it's illegal to have a sports talk radio station without someone having the nickname Coach.
5:32 The Packers block a Lawrence Tynes field goal to keep the score at 10-10. I can't wait for Boomer and Coach to break that one down on 95.6 Superfan tomorrow morning.
5:35 Is it just me, or is the referee even more monotone than Joe Buck?
5:37 Rodgers evades a Giant blitz and rushes for a first down to the Giants 40 with 11 minutes left in the second. Nobody ever talks about Rodgers' scrambling ability and you never notice it until he makes 12 yards out of nothing for a first down.
5:43 Joe Buck just had to advertise the new Napoleon Dynamite cartoon and his voice was a mix of horrified and disgusted. That was fantastic.
5:45 Now that I think about it, the whole "Wierd things always happen on the Sunday Night Game of Round Two" is definitely working in the Giants favor.
5:48 Interception! Morgan Burnett picks off Manning with 5 and a half minutes left in the second quarter. That was the first time that the Packers got any kind of pressure on Manning and it made him overthrow that pass in to double coverage. Great defensive play by Green Bay. Also, after three quarters of the diary done, I'm running on fumes. I have to go eat dinner right now, so I'll be back after halftime.
6:13 Of course, I come back downstairs just in time to see a replay of the Hail Mary touchdown. I think Joe Buck might have even raised his voice a little. It's 20-10 Giants at halftime and that Hail Mary switched the whole game in the Giants favor. The Hail Mary combined with all of the drops from Green Bay has just sucked all the momentum from the Packers.
6:18 For such an improbable moment in a game that at least 40 people on my friends list are watching, I'm disappointed by the facebook reaction, only one post. If I could give my friends a "Come on, Man", I absolutely would. The Hail Mary is going to overshadow all of the reasons why the Packers are down right now, drops, no pressure on Manning, and sloppy route execution. These are not the Packers that showed up in Week 13, that's for sure.
6:23 Arsenal! Manchester United! It's the English Premier League next Sunday on FOX!!!
6:27 Is Chris Myers our first male sideline reporter since the 70s? Did they even have sideline reporters in the 70s? Were they as bad as they were today?
6:28 Speaking of bad sideline reporters, Pam Oliver's talking.
6:30 Something's off with Rodgers' coordination with his receivers today, it seems like they're three or four yards out of sync.
6:33 Just as Rodgers is threatening to take it in, the Giants recover a Rodgers fumble. It's almost scripted at this point, every time the Packers look like they might have something going, the Giants kill it.
6:37 I'm running out of witty and insightful things to say. My sugar rush is collapsing and I've seen the same set of about 25 commercials to comment on all weekend. I need something along the lines of the Teleflora commercial from last year's super bowl to turn this entry around.
7:00 Sorry about the 23 minute hiatus, just finishing up putting away the Christmas stuff. The score is 20-13 Giants. I just sat down in time to see Rodgers scramble for a first down at the end of the thid quarter. The Giants defense has been doing an amazing job on the Packers offense so far, I haven't seen Rodgers this flustered since his last press conference.
7:04 Mark Sanchez and Eli Manning used to do those Toyota commercials. Now it's been reduced to just Manning. If that's not a sign to at least think about a quarterback change soon, I really don't know what it will take short of running on to the field in a tuxedo or becoming a Ben Roethlisberger style seedy bar regular.
7:06 Pam Oliver's talking again.
7:07 The Giants stop the Packers on fourth down from their own 40. This game is following the trend of Sunday Night home teams laying an egg (2011 Packers, 2010 Pats, 2009 Chargers, 2007 Cowboys, etc)
7:11 If somebody would have told me before this that the Giants would be beating the Packers despite having exactly one first down by 11 minutes in the fourth quarter, I would never have talked to them about football again.This is unbelievable.
7:17 I think that any and all advertisements for Glee or other dramas of sort should be illegal during football games. Of course, I think that Glee and all other dramas should be illegal.
7:18 Quote from broadcasting buddy Gavin Schall "If David Tyree and Superman had a baby, he would look like Hakeem Nicks" Uh, thanks Gavin.
7:19 Tynes nails a field goal to put the Giants ahead 23-13. You know the Packers are in trouble when Tom Coughlin's face is only a light shade of red.
7:23 What an enlightening report from Chris Myers! So Rodgers said to somebody "We've gotta score"? We're sure about this? Riveting stuff.
7:24 That's a fumble recovery by the Giants returned to the Packers four yard line. The Pack are on the ropes.
7:25 And that's the Knockout Punch! Giants are up 30-13 with a 4 yard pass to Mario Manningham. Stick a fork in the Packers, they're done.
7:26 I realize that this is a depressing day for Packers fans, but at least the State Farm commercial starring Rodgers and Matthews was likeable. Sadly, I think every State Farm commercial has been the highlight of the game for the Packers.Hey Rodgers!! Rodgers!!! DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK!!!!
7:28 My prediction that the Pack would destroy the Giants was not one of my better ones to say the least. I'm just going to pretend that prediction never happened. I would like to point out that I'm doing OK these playoffs, this is my only loss against the spread so far (I picked the Steelers to beat the Broncos, but not by double digits, and I picked the Ravens to beat the Texans, but not by the spread).
7:33 The Packers are driving inside the Giant red zone while Joe Buck pretends that he's still really interested in the last five minutes of this game.
7:36 Joe Buck raised his voice! That means the Packers scored!!! 30-20 New York as Rodgers fires a bullet to Donald Driver for the touchdown.
7:39 The Giants recover the onside kick. Of course, this is the Giants so anything can happen.
7:42 After the Packers force a third and eleven, they generate no pass rush on Eli, who zips it over the middle to a wide open Victor Cruz for 17 yards. That's really the game in a nutshell for the Packers.
7:43 Bradshaw runs for 24 yards, that just about wraps things up.
7:45 Touchdown Brandon Jacobs! That should pretty much wrap the game up. Not only is the fat lady singing, but Tom Coughlin's face has turned completely normal.
Now that this game is basically over, so is the mega-diary. We end the divisional diaries with a huge upset, the Giants beating the Packers. I guess that at the end of the day, the best teams won and we can look forward to a great conference championship weekend. I guess this diary is over because there is nothing more that anyone can say about the divisional weekend. Not me, not Ricky Gervais later tonight, and not Boomer and Coach on 95.7 Superfan.
Score: Giants 37 Packers 20
Parts of the Mega-Diary done: 4 out of 4
Hours spent on the Mega-Diary: 15 give or take a few.
AFC Conference Championship: Patriots vs Ravens
NFC Conference Championship Giants vs Packers
Teams with Super Bowl Hopes Still Alive: Four
The Divisional Diaries: Texans-Ravens
1:00 Yates! Flacco!! It's the AFC Divisional Playoffs on CBS!
1:05 After a huge kickoff return by Danieal, Yates completes a 10 yard pass to Andre Johnson to set the Texans up at the 30. It's scary to think what the Texans could have done if Schaub, Foster, Johnson, and the entire defense were healthy for the whole season instead of a few games. 14-2 definitely would not have been out of the question. Instead, we have T.J. Yates starting in Baltimore. This is not ending well for Houston.
1:09 3-0 Texans on a Rackers field goal. I also got to see the stupid touchdown celebration Southwest Airlines commercial again. I might cry if I see that commercial one more time.
1:12 The Ravens just dodged a bullet on a special teams fumble recovery. Take it from a Jets fan, nothing kills a team faster than turnovers, specifically special teams turnovers. Also, this game is the odds on favorite for least interesting of the weekend. It would have been a great game if Schaub were starting instead of Yates, but Schaub injured his Lisfranc in Week 12. I don't know what a Lisfranc is.
1:14 Speaking of special teams turnovers, the Ravens just got a huge one as the spirit of Antonio Cromartie invaded Jacoby Jones and forced him to try and field a bouncing punt with two guys on him. I've seen a lot of dumb special teams plays, but that was the dumbest bar none.
1:16 Touchdown Baltimore! Flacco to Kris Wilson on a one yard touchdown!! Don't worry, it's much less interesting than the exclamation points would suggest. Also, no matter what happens in this game, Ravens management should really send Jacoby Jones a gift basket.
1:22 It's impossible for Gary Kubiak to look more confused than he is now. Oh, wait, that's how he always looks.
1:24 Every time I see the Galaxy Nexus "organize your social life in to circles" commercial, I keep thinking about what it would be like if you accidentally posted something meant for friends to your ex-girlfriend circle. In ten years, that's going to replace clicking "send all" on an insulting email as the number one social/computer related mistake.
1:28 Baltimore drive stalls in Houston territory after a sack-fumble was recovered by Baltimore. Cundiff just hit a field goal from 48 yards out to make it 10-3.
1:33 Just found out that T.J. Yates' full name is Taylor Jonathan Yates. I'm pretty sure that there has never been a whiter name in the history of mankind.
1:38 Flacco complained to media this week that he does not get enough respect (which I think is true), so he grew an intimidating playoff fu manchu. I'm still asking the PHS swimming team to grow sectionals goatees.
1:40 That's turnover number 2 on the day for Houston, Baltimore gets the ball on the Houston 40. Is anyone else super excited for a Ravens blowout? No?
1:44 Touchdown Baltimore! A 27 yard pass from Flacco to Rice on a blitz and then a 12 yard touchdown to Boldin put the Ravens up 17-3. We're one Yates pick and Baltimore touchdown away from me playing Skyrim. Nah, I've got to keep up with this at least until halftime.
1:49 Cool, now it looks like both Ed Reed and Arian Foster got injured. I was wondering if this game could be less interesting. Although maybe that is a point of interest, seeing how not interesting it could be. I suddenly have a headache.
1:54 The Texans are gunning for the end zone from the Ravens 10. Of course, Yates overthrows Andre Johnson in the end zone by a good four feet.
1:58 17-6 Ravens on another Rackers field goal. Judging from the way that the Ravens defense has cooked Taylor Jonathan Yates III, the Texans could not be more done.
2:01 Two random fans in Baltimore are dressed up as first down markers. This is the most exciting thing that's happened all game.
2:07 Jon Harbaugh challenged an Arian Foster 25 yard run on the basis that he stepped out of bounds. It's OK, Marvin Lewis. You can step out of that Jon Harbaugh costume now, we know you're here.
2:13 The Texans are inside the Ravens 30 on another Foster run. It looks like the Texans are starting to make a game of it.
2:16 Texans on the one yard line after a one handed catch by Arian Foster. It's amazing to watch Foster, every game he plays with the same intensity and never stops running like a freight train. He never takes the easy way out, he never runs like he does not want to be tackled , basically he's the running back version of Santonio Holmes, only the exact opposite if that makes any sense.
2:20 Touchdown Houston! Arian Foster took it in on a one yard touchdown dive to make it 17-13 Ravens. Foster already has 15 carries, 95 yards, and a touchdown (not including receiving yards) I mentioned that we haven't hit halftime yet, right?
2:26 Flacco just completed a long pass to Boldin that was so technically perfect that Dan Dierdorff woke up from his nap. Perfect location from Flacco and an amazing catch by Boldin put the Ravens inside Texan territory. Anquan Boldin looks like the favorite for MVP of this game so far, he's bailed Flacco out a couple times with some big catches.
2:30 The Ravens drive stalls after J.J. Watt sacks Flacco. That should take us to halftime and me to the freezer for an ice cream sandwich.
2:39 We go to the CBS halftime crew with special guest Ndamukong Suh! I've gotta say, Ndamukong has been pretty enlightening, I could absolutely see him as a broadcaster in ten or fifteen years. I thought he was going to suffer from a Strahan style lisp or something like that, but he's been great so far.
2:48 The second half starts with a shout-out to the punt/pass/kick competition. I remember when I used to want to do that before I realized that I don't have the slighest bit of talent for it. I also wanted to be in the NFL when I was six but was stymied by the whole lack of talent/lack of any pain tolerance combination. Although I suppose I might get Carpal Tunnel by 2015 if I keep writing these diaries.
2:58 ESPN reports that Jeff Fisher and Brian Schottenheimer are talking about Schotty going to the Rams. If you use Bill Simmons' coach hiring method (float their name out as a possibility and then check the previous teams message boards), this is about the most obvious no hire ever.
3:00 The Texans defense is starting to come on, they're teeing off on Flacco right now. He looks more confused than Gary Kubiak trying to decide a fourth and two play.
3:06 The Texans are at the Ravens 33 as Joe Flacco still looks like a Karate Kid villian in his awesome Fu Manchu.
3:09 Rackers misses on a field goal to keep the score 17-13. Besides turnovers, nothing kills a team faster than missed field goals. Again, take it from a Jets fan.
3:12 Flacco is inside the Houston red zone as Lee Evans makes a tremendous one handed back shoulder catch over Kareem Jackson. That's the third or fourth amazing catch over Kareem Jackson today. I almost feel bad for him because it's been great coverage every time, he's just been victimized by Anquan Boldin.
3:15 It's fourth and goal on the one for Baltimore. I'd say go for it, you've gotta have faith in Ray Rice and your offfensive line. If you don't get it, you leave Yates throwing in to the wind on the one yard line.
3:16 The Ravens went for it and didn't get it. Still, I like the decision by Harbaugh, there's really no downside to going for it at the one. Bill Belichick would smile approvingly at that past sentence. You know, if Bill Belichick weren't an emotionless robot.
3:20 And the Texans can't get it back to the five yard line before they're forced to punt. The Ravens will get it at the 50 yard line. That's the best thing about going for it inside two yards, if you don't make it, you're guarunteed good field position on your next drive as long as you can hold them to under 15 or 20 yards.
3:26 Couldn't help but notice that the punt/pass/kick championships in the 14-15 year old division was won by two Vikings fans. Besides nearly making the Super Bowl in 2009, this is the best thing that's happened for the Vikes in the last decade or so.
3:32 At this point, the Texans are not even bothering trying to hide the fact that Arian Foster is their whole offense at this point. They're either riding Foster to a victory in the fourth quarter (with 11 minutes left) or going home.
3:37 And Joe Flacco goes down again!! I've got to give credit to this Texans defense, they've completely disrupted Joe Flacco and Ray Rice all day, especially J.J. Watt. Watt is going to take Jared Allen's place as the best defensive end in football in four or five years. Just watch.
3:42 After getting a lucky bounce on a Foster fumble, Yates throws another pick to Lardarius Webb. I have to give Yates credit, he's been pretty good considering the circumstances. However, considering it's an unproven rookie and he's on the road in Baltimore, you knew this had to happen at some point, right?
3:45 The Ravens have the ball across midfield with 4 minutes left in the fourth. They just need two or three more first downs and this game is over.
3:50 Two straight incomplete passes stop the clock at 2:50. Here comes Cundiff.
3:52 And Cundiff nails it! 20-13 Baltimore with three minutes left in the game. This is pretty much the best situation that the Texans could have hoped for. I use the word "best" in perspective because there really is no best case scenario with T.J. Yates on the road in Baltimore for a playoff game.
3:56 Uh-oh, I definitely spoke too soon on T.J. Yates. He just connected with Andre Johnson on two long passes to get inside the Ravens' 40. This game has come a long way from its not interesting beginnings.
3:58 Yates just got picked by Ed Reed and it looks like this game is over.
4:01 First down Baltimore. Ravens 20 Texans 13 Ravens Turnovers 0 Texans Turnovers 4. Parts of the Mega-Diary completed 3
1:05 After a huge kickoff return by Danieal, Yates completes a 10 yard pass to Andre Johnson to set the Texans up at the 30. It's scary to think what the Texans could have done if Schaub, Foster, Johnson, and the entire defense were healthy for the whole season instead of a few games. 14-2 definitely would not have been out of the question. Instead, we have T.J. Yates starting in Baltimore. This is not ending well for Houston.
1:09 3-0 Texans on a Rackers field goal. I also got to see the stupid touchdown celebration Southwest Airlines commercial again. I might cry if I see that commercial one more time.
1:12 The Ravens just dodged a bullet on a special teams fumble recovery. Take it from a Jets fan, nothing kills a team faster than turnovers, specifically special teams turnovers. Also, this game is the odds on favorite for least interesting of the weekend. It would have been a great game if Schaub were starting instead of Yates, but Schaub injured his Lisfranc in Week 12. I don't know what a Lisfranc is.
1:14 Speaking of special teams turnovers, the Ravens just got a huge one as the spirit of Antonio Cromartie invaded Jacoby Jones and forced him to try and field a bouncing punt with two guys on him. I've seen a lot of dumb special teams plays, but that was the dumbest bar none.
1:16 Touchdown Baltimore! Flacco to Kris Wilson on a one yard touchdown!! Don't worry, it's much less interesting than the exclamation points would suggest. Also, no matter what happens in this game, Ravens management should really send Jacoby Jones a gift basket.
1:22 It's impossible for Gary Kubiak to look more confused than he is now. Oh, wait, that's how he always looks.
1:24 Every time I see the Galaxy Nexus "organize your social life in to circles" commercial, I keep thinking about what it would be like if you accidentally posted something meant for friends to your ex-girlfriend circle. In ten years, that's going to replace clicking "send all" on an insulting email as the number one social/computer related mistake.
1:28 Baltimore drive stalls in Houston territory after a sack-fumble was recovered by Baltimore. Cundiff just hit a field goal from 48 yards out to make it 10-3.
1:33 Just found out that T.J. Yates' full name is Taylor Jonathan Yates. I'm pretty sure that there has never been a whiter name in the history of mankind.
1:38 Flacco complained to media this week that he does not get enough respect (which I think is true), so he grew an intimidating playoff fu manchu. I'm still asking the PHS swimming team to grow sectionals goatees.
1:40 That's turnover number 2 on the day for Houston, Baltimore gets the ball on the Houston 40. Is anyone else super excited for a Ravens blowout? No?
1:44 Touchdown Baltimore! A 27 yard pass from Flacco to Rice on a blitz and then a 12 yard touchdown to Boldin put the Ravens up 17-3. We're one Yates pick and Baltimore touchdown away from me playing Skyrim. Nah, I've got to keep up with this at least until halftime.
1:49 Cool, now it looks like both Ed Reed and Arian Foster got injured. I was wondering if this game could be less interesting. Although maybe that is a point of interest, seeing how not interesting it could be. I suddenly have a headache.
1:54 The Texans are gunning for the end zone from the Ravens 10. Of course, Yates overthrows Andre Johnson in the end zone by a good four feet.
1:58 17-6 Ravens on another Rackers field goal. Judging from the way that the Ravens defense has cooked Taylor Jonathan Yates III, the Texans could not be more done.
2:01 Two random fans in Baltimore are dressed up as first down markers. This is the most exciting thing that's happened all game.
2:07 Jon Harbaugh challenged an Arian Foster 25 yard run on the basis that he stepped out of bounds. It's OK, Marvin Lewis. You can step out of that Jon Harbaugh costume now, we know you're here.
2:13 The Texans are inside the Ravens 30 on another Foster run. It looks like the Texans are starting to make a game of it.
2:16 Texans on the one yard line after a one handed catch by Arian Foster. It's amazing to watch Foster, every game he plays with the same intensity and never stops running like a freight train. He never takes the easy way out, he never runs like he does not want to be tackled , basically he's the running back version of Santonio Holmes, only the exact opposite if that makes any sense.
2:20 Touchdown Houston! Arian Foster took it in on a one yard touchdown dive to make it 17-13 Ravens. Foster already has 15 carries, 95 yards, and a touchdown (not including receiving yards) I mentioned that we haven't hit halftime yet, right?
2:26 Flacco just completed a long pass to Boldin that was so technically perfect that Dan Dierdorff woke up from his nap. Perfect location from Flacco and an amazing catch by Boldin put the Ravens inside Texan territory. Anquan Boldin looks like the favorite for MVP of this game so far, he's bailed Flacco out a couple times with some big catches.
2:30 The Ravens drive stalls after J.J. Watt sacks Flacco. That should take us to halftime and me to the freezer for an ice cream sandwich.
2:39 We go to the CBS halftime crew with special guest Ndamukong Suh! I've gotta say, Ndamukong has been pretty enlightening, I could absolutely see him as a broadcaster in ten or fifteen years. I thought he was going to suffer from a Strahan style lisp or something like that, but he's been great so far.
2:48 The second half starts with a shout-out to the punt/pass/kick competition. I remember when I used to want to do that before I realized that I don't have the slighest bit of talent for it. I also wanted to be in the NFL when I was six but was stymied by the whole lack of talent/lack of any pain tolerance combination. Although I suppose I might get Carpal Tunnel by 2015 if I keep writing these diaries.
2:58 ESPN reports that Jeff Fisher and Brian Schottenheimer are talking about Schotty going to the Rams. If you use Bill Simmons' coach hiring method (float their name out as a possibility and then check the previous teams message boards), this is about the most obvious no hire ever.
3:00 The Texans defense is starting to come on, they're teeing off on Flacco right now. He looks more confused than Gary Kubiak trying to decide a fourth and two play.
3:06 The Texans are at the Ravens 33 as Joe Flacco still looks like a Karate Kid villian in his awesome Fu Manchu.
3:09 Rackers misses on a field goal to keep the score 17-13. Besides turnovers, nothing kills a team faster than missed field goals. Again, take it from a Jets fan.
3:12 Flacco is inside the Houston red zone as Lee Evans makes a tremendous one handed back shoulder catch over Kareem Jackson. That's the third or fourth amazing catch over Kareem Jackson today. I almost feel bad for him because it's been great coverage every time, he's just been victimized by Anquan Boldin.
3:15 It's fourth and goal on the one for Baltimore. I'd say go for it, you've gotta have faith in Ray Rice and your offfensive line. If you don't get it, you leave Yates throwing in to the wind on the one yard line.
3:16 The Ravens went for it and didn't get it. Still, I like the decision by Harbaugh, there's really no downside to going for it at the one. Bill Belichick would smile approvingly at that past sentence. You know, if Bill Belichick weren't an emotionless robot.
3:20 And the Texans can't get it back to the five yard line before they're forced to punt. The Ravens will get it at the 50 yard line. That's the best thing about going for it inside two yards, if you don't make it, you're guarunteed good field position on your next drive as long as you can hold them to under 15 or 20 yards.
3:26 Couldn't help but notice that the punt/pass/kick championships in the 14-15 year old division was won by two Vikings fans. Besides nearly making the Super Bowl in 2009, this is the best thing that's happened for the Vikes in the last decade or so.
3:32 At this point, the Texans are not even bothering trying to hide the fact that Arian Foster is their whole offense at this point. They're either riding Foster to a victory in the fourth quarter (with 11 minutes left) or going home.
3:37 And Joe Flacco goes down again!! I've got to give credit to this Texans defense, they've completely disrupted Joe Flacco and Ray Rice all day, especially J.J. Watt. Watt is going to take Jared Allen's place as the best defensive end in football in four or five years. Just watch.
3:42 After getting a lucky bounce on a Foster fumble, Yates throws another pick to Lardarius Webb. I have to give Yates credit, he's been pretty good considering the circumstances. However, considering it's an unproven rookie and he's on the road in Baltimore, you knew this had to happen at some point, right?
3:45 The Ravens have the ball across midfield with 4 minutes left in the fourth. They just need two or three more first downs and this game is over.
3:50 Two straight incomplete passes stop the clock at 2:50. Here comes Cundiff.
3:52 And Cundiff nails it! 20-13 Baltimore with three minutes left in the game. This is pretty much the best situation that the Texans could have hoped for. I use the word "best" in perspective because there really is no best case scenario with T.J. Yates on the road in Baltimore for a playoff game.
3:56 Uh-oh, I definitely spoke too soon on T.J. Yates. He just connected with Andre Johnson on two long passes to get inside the Ravens' 40. This game has come a long way from its not interesting beginnings.
3:58 Yates just got picked by Ed Reed and it looks like this game is over.
4:01 First down Baltimore. Ravens 20 Texans 13 Ravens Turnovers 0 Texans Turnovers 4. Parts of the Mega-Diary completed 3
Saturday, January 14, 2012
The Divisional Diaries: Patriots-Broncos
8:30 Sadly, I thought that game time was at 8:30 instead of 8 so I missed the first thirty minutes of the game. Those thirty minutes will have to be lost to history. Pats are up 7-0 on the Broncos halfway through the first and are driving again. This does not look good.
8:31 Pats are now in the red zone with a Brady to Gronkowski connection. The Hernandez-Gronkowski tandem are definitely on the cover of Guys That Murder You in the Playoffs.
8:34 A seven yard run by Woodhead puts the Pats inside the ten. That's the annoying thing about the Patriots, each play goes for at least five yards when they're on.
8:38 14-0 Pats on a Gronkowski touchdown. We're starting to move in to blowout range. This seems as good a time as any to mention that I hate the Patriots.
8:42 It looks like Tebow time is just about up. Of course, never bet against God or puppies. Also, if the NFL were to ever fix a game for someone, wouldn't this game be it?
8:45 Broncos pick up a first after a huge break on a near fumble that would hve put the game away for the Pats. I'm pretty sure that would have been called as a fumble if Kyle Orton were the quarterback.
8:48 CBS just ran another ad for Person of Interest (two in the last few minutes). Person of Interest is going to take the place of Blue Bloods as the show that CBS will try to ram down your throat with advertising. Good times!
8:50 Interception!!! The return puts the Broncos inside the Patriot 30 yard line. Perhaps Tebow time isn't quite through....
8:55 Even though I usually don't watch David Letterman, that Ricky Gervais appearance looks pretty interesting...
8:56 TOUCHDOWN DENVER BRONCOS!!! Afterwards, there's a fight and an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on the Broncos' Zane Beadles. I think that he might end up being a tragic figure later in this game. If he is, I can't think of an actor that's ugly enough to play him in the movie. That brings up a good point, why doesn't Hollywood have actors on retainer to play homeless people, desert island survivors, and Zane Beadles? 14-7 Pats.
9:00 Woodhead returns the kick to the 40 as Jim Nantz pronounces Hawaii as Huh-wah-ey. Glad he's here. Nantz, not Woodhead.
9:05 Broncos get the ball at their own five yard line following the commercial break.
9:07 Tebow is starting on his own 5, in single digit temperatures, with the wind going against them. Let's just say I don't like his chances.
9:14 Uh-oh, the Pats are driving and in their unstoppale hurry-up offense. This is not ending well for Denver.
9:16 Touchdown Patriots. Brady to Gronkowski yet again. 21-7 Patriots. If Tebow can actually lead the Broncos back, I'll vote for him when he runs for president in 2036. Of course, a commercial for a Christian organization airs right after that touchdown. That's just brilliant advertising.
9:21 Pats get the ball back at about midfield. The Patriots are obliterating the Broncos in the field position battle. I want the Patriots to lose, but if they have to win, at least Bill Simmons will keep his 11-0 picking streak alive and I can look forward to Friday mailbags for the next decade or so.
9:44 Couldn't update the log for a while, but I'm sitting down to type this right after Brady''s fifth TD. Again, I really hate the Patriots.
9:51 Just looked at the Celtics record and Bill Simmons' running diary of the last game of the MLB season to confirm that, yes, bad things can still happen to teams from Boston.
9:53 I can't even express how awkward/unintentionally funny it is to see Kris Jenkins talk on live TV. He sounds like my friend Ray on the morning bus when he's dead tired and incapable of communication above mumbling stuff.
10:01 Really, it's only my self-commitment to doing a complete diary and loyalty to my five readers that keeps me from clicking off the game and playing Skyrim instead. Actually, that's probably what I'm going to end up doing anyways.
10:04 Just got treated to the same terrible Southwest Airlines commercial with the guy doing touchdown celebrations for the fifth time. Sadly, this has been one of the brighter moments of the game.
10:07 Edelman returns it past midfield to the Denver side of the field. I've been looking at who would be a worse matchup for the Pats in the AFC Champioship game ever since the 9:44 entry. This is disgusting.
10:09 CBS just showed a trailer for Journey 2: Mysterious Island. I've never heard of Journey 1 and its odds for a solid opening weekend has got to be worse than the Broncos coming back. I've now been reduced to commenting on random commercials to try and make this interesting. I think I might have to resort to Skyrim soon.
!0:13 That's touchdown number six for Brady. My finger is moving over the mode button on my controller and I'm getting up to turn on my XBOX...
10:19 I just saw the mini-Herman Edwards beer commercial back to back with a Blue Bloods promo. Our currently most overplayed commercial back to back with our former CBS most overplayed promo champ. This is what I've been reduced to commenting on.
10:24 And it looks like Tebow might be hurt. That's just injury to insult.
10:26 They were just talking about the Patriots' playoff drought and how the Jets beat them in their own stadium last year. Those were the days when the Jets were good and Rex Ryan had the pulse of the team.
10:31 The 32nd,31st,20th, and 29th ranked pass defenses all made it to the divisional round. I'm not going to make the "are we going to start playing flag football next?" joke, but that's just depressing.
10:36 If I had to pick the most demoralizing thing about this game, it's seeing Shawn Ellis playing in a Pats uniform. He was the only player left from my first season as a Jets fan. Now, he's a Patriot. Like I said, it's pretty sad.
10:49 Alright, I'm giving up on this diary before Brady potentially throws his seventh touchdown. I can't think of anything interesting to say about this game anymore and I would much rather go play Skyrim then watch my least favorite team advance to the AFC Conference Championship. I'll be back tomorrow with my running diaries of the two other divisional round games. Good night and good luck everybody (and may I never use Keith Olbermann's closing line again).
8:31 Pats are now in the red zone with a Brady to Gronkowski connection. The Hernandez-Gronkowski tandem are definitely on the cover of Guys That Murder You in the Playoffs.
8:34 A seven yard run by Woodhead puts the Pats inside the ten. That's the annoying thing about the Patriots, each play goes for at least five yards when they're on.
8:38 14-0 Pats on a Gronkowski touchdown. We're starting to move in to blowout range. This seems as good a time as any to mention that I hate the Patriots.
8:42 It looks like Tebow time is just about up. Of course, never bet against God or puppies. Also, if the NFL were to ever fix a game for someone, wouldn't this game be it?
8:45 Broncos pick up a first after a huge break on a near fumble that would hve put the game away for the Pats. I'm pretty sure that would have been called as a fumble if Kyle Orton were the quarterback.
8:48 CBS just ran another ad for Person of Interest (two in the last few minutes). Person of Interest is going to take the place of Blue Bloods as the show that CBS will try to ram down your throat with advertising. Good times!
8:50 Interception!!! The return puts the Broncos inside the Patriot 30 yard line. Perhaps Tebow time isn't quite through....
8:55 Even though I usually don't watch David Letterman, that Ricky Gervais appearance looks pretty interesting...
8:56 TOUCHDOWN DENVER BRONCOS!!! Afterwards, there's a fight and an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on the Broncos' Zane Beadles. I think that he might end up being a tragic figure later in this game. If he is, I can't think of an actor that's ugly enough to play him in the movie. That brings up a good point, why doesn't Hollywood have actors on retainer to play homeless people, desert island survivors, and Zane Beadles? 14-7 Pats.
9:00 Woodhead returns the kick to the 40 as Jim Nantz pronounces Hawaii as Huh-wah-ey. Glad he's here. Nantz, not Woodhead.
9:05 Broncos get the ball at their own five yard line following the commercial break.
9:07 Tebow is starting on his own 5, in single digit temperatures, with the wind going against them. Let's just say I don't like his chances.
9:14 Uh-oh, the Pats are driving and in their unstoppale hurry-up offense. This is not ending well for Denver.
9:16 Touchdown Patriots. Brady to Gronkowski yet again. 21-7 Patriots. If Tebow can actually lead the Broncos back, I'll vote for him when he runs for president in 2036. Of course, a commercial for a Christian organization airs right after that touchdown. That's just brilliant advertising.
9:21 Pats get the ball back at about midfield. The Patriots are obliterating the Broncos in the field position battle. I want the Patriots to lose, but if they have to win, at least Bill Simmons will keep his 11-0 picking streak alive and I can look forward to Friday mailbags for the next decade or so.
9:44 Couldn't update the log for a while, but I'm sitting down to type this right after Brady''s fifth TD. Again, I really hate the Patriots.
9:51 Just looked at the Celtics record and Bill Simmons' running diary of the last game of the MLB season to confirm that, yes, bad things can still happen to teams from Boston.
9:53 I can't even express how awkward/unintentionally funny it is to see Kris Jenkins talk on live TV. He sounds like my friend Ray on the morning bus when he's dead tired and incapable of communication above mumbling stuff.
10:01 Really, it's only my self-commitment to doing a complete diary and loyalty to my five readers that keeps me from clicking off the game and playing Skyrim instead. Actually, that's probably what I'm going to end up doing anyways.
10:04 Just got treated to the same terrible Southwest Airlines commercial with the guy doing touchdown celebrations for the fifth time. Sadly, this has been one of the brighter moments of the game.
10:07 Edelman returns it past midfield to the Denver side of the field. I've been looking at who would be a worse matchup for the Pats in the AFC Champioship game ever since the 9:44 entry. This is disgusting.
10:09 CBS just showed a trailer for Journey 2: Mysterious Island. I've never heard of Journey 1 and its odds for a solid opening weekend has got to be worse than the Broncos coming back. I've now been reduced to commenting on random commercials to try and make this interesting. I think I might have to resort to Skyrim soon.
!0:13 That's touchdown number six for Brady. My finger is moving over the mode button on my controller and I'm getting up to turn on my XBOX...
10:19 I just saw the mini-Herman Edwards beer commercial back to back with a Blue Bloods promo. Our currently most overplayed commercial back to back with our former CBS most overplayed promo champ. This is what I've been reduced to commenting on.
10:24 And it looks like Tebow might be hurt. That's just injury to insult.
10:26 They were just talking about the Patriots' playoff drought and how the Jets beat them in their own stadium last year. Those were the days when the Jets were good and Rex Ryan had the pulse of the team.
10:31 The 32nd,31st,20th, and 29th ranked pass defenses all made it to the divisional round. I'm not going to make the "are we going to start playing flag football next?" joke, but that's just depressing.
10:36 If I had to pick the most demoralizing thing about this game, it's seeing Shawn Ellis playing in a Pats uniform. He was the only player left from my first season as a Jets fan. Now, he's a Patriot. Like I said, it's pretty sad.
10:49 Alright, I'm giving up on this diary before Brady potentially throws his seventh touchdown. I can't think of anything interesting to say about this game anymore and I would much rather go play Skyrim then watch my least favorite team advance to the AFC Conference Championship. I'll be back tomorrow with my running diaries of the two other divisional round games. Good night and good luck everybody (and may I never use Keith Olbermann's closing line again).
The Divisional Diaries:Saints-Niners
Tebow-Brady,Best offense-Best defense, Everybody believes in us-Nobody believes in us, and wishing Gus Johnson could announce the Pats-Broncos game are all major storylines on Divisional weekend in the NFL. I'm helping out with taking down Christmas decorations, but that's not stopping me from watching all four games and shirking all homework/end of Christmas related responsibilities.Here is exactly what happened between the days of 1/14/11 and 1/15/11.
SAINTS VS 49ERS
3:56 I flip to the NFL Pregame show just in time to see Don Rickles insult the entire FOX staff. Typical dentist joke for Strahan, typical hair insult for Jimmie Johnson, and an "I never heard of you and furthermore, I don't care" insult for Kirk Menaphee. Or is it Kurt? I really don't care either.
4:02 I really don't understand why Packers-Giants and Pats-Broncos were that much more interesting to the public than Saints-Niners. I kinda get why Pats-Broncos would be more interesting, but everybody's gonna regret jumping on the Giants bandwagon once the Packers beat them down. Nobody's been paying attention to the Pack all week, everybody's been jumping on the Giants without mentioning that their secondary is overdue for a terrible game. Niners-Saints looks way more interesting, a great defense facing off against a historic offense. I'm going with the Niners in this game for the same reason, everybody's piling on the Saints and their offense without mentioning the Niners' equally great defense. I've seen the Saints D give up some long drives this year, and the Niners do the "get three-four yards per carry, milk the time of possession, always remember the field position battle" routine better than anyone. I like this matchup for San Fran.
4:10 Just watched the "Sounds of the game" FOX and the Niners look 10 times more pumped up about this game than the Saints. Also, the first "Why aren't you helping Dad with the Christmas stuff?" question from Mom happened a few minutes ago. I'm setting the over-under for these questions at 15 for the weekend.
4:21 Just got treated to a segment where Donald Trump picks football games and says that he unofficially bought Tebow Time. Is it any surprise that he picked all the favorites? I think he just pulled up a computer with all the lines, picked the favorites, and mixed in some of his typical Trump superlatives like "luxurious" and "amazing". It's pretty much impossible to be a bigger blowhard than Trump at this point.
4:34 Brees! Smith! It's the NFC Divisional Playoffs on FOX!!!!
4:38 Saints already at midfield on a Darren Sproles 10 yard run. If there's one player that I could see killing the Niners in this game, it's Sproles. In the playoffs, it's very rarely the star that kills you, it's always the secretly terrifying guy that gets overlooked because of the star. Sproles has the stats, skills, and height for the role. As I write this, the Saints are now in the red zone on a pass interference call. Uh-oh.
4:43 Carlos Rogers just dropped an interception that could have killed the Saints' momentum. Instead, the Saints have 1st and goal. It bears mentioning that Jimmy Graham isn't in there anymore, the Niners can be very successful making the Saints match field goals with them.
4:46 Donte Whitner causes a HUGE fumble that the announcers could not rally the proper enthusiasm for. The Niners need a couple of these plays to win considering the fact that they practically send Akers out on first and goal from the 5.
4:52 Niners at midfield as Alex Smith whips a ball five yards behind Ted Ginn. That's really the strongest case for the Saints in a nutshell, the fact that they're going against Alex Smith. A big fumble that happened just now definitely did not help matters.
4:58 The announcers just mentioned a play action pass, prompting dad to ask "What's a play action?" for about the millionth time in ten years. It's almost turned in to a running joke over the years. The Saints just punted after Aldon Smith sacked Drew Brees. Nobody's heard of this guy, but he's had 14 sacks over the course of the season. These are precisely the type of guys who kill you in the playoffs.
5:02 TOUCHDOWN 49ers!!!! Alex Smith threw a 49 yard touchdown pass to Vernon Davis. Davis had the Saints beat roughly one second after he got off the line and ran through Malcolm Jenkins' half-hearted attempt at tackling him. 7-0 Niners.
5:04 I forget which soda is running those"It's not for women" ads, but they're definitely getting sued over it. Martha Burke might be picketing their headquarters right now.
5:09 Brees just threw a pick that the Niners returned to the 5. I've gotta say, the Niners defense has been fantastic at taking away the deep ball. It's first and goal at the four, is David Akers coming out yet?
5:10 Second and goal, are we there yet?
5:11 Third and goal, we just got a camera shot of Alex Smith making the Alex Smith face, Akers might as well start trotting out.
5:12 OK never mind, the Niners just scored. 14-0 San Fran. The Saints have not shown up so far, they haven't looked remotely inspired since the goal line fumble. The Niners are playing like this game is roughly a million times more important to them. It's like Santonio Holmes has invaded the Saints.
5:14 Niners just got the ball on a botched kickoff and several Niners and Saints get in to a scuffle at the end of the play. You might see someone on the Saints pull an Andrew Bynum style body slam on one of the Niners.
5:19 FOX just showed a graphic that stated the Niners' average starting field position is at the Saints' 43. Also, here comes David Akers. Whew. Having Alex Smith throw three touchdowns before halftime in a playoff game would bring about the apocalypse. 17-0 Niners.
5:27 Saints are currently challenging the ruling on the field of a fumble. They'd better, that would make four turnovers before the second quarter is half over. This is just a dominating performance by the Niners' defense, they're refusing to let Colston breathe and Brees has been forced to check it down more times than he had in the whole Detroit game. Also, I'm amazed that I've gone back and forth between the disassembled Christmas tree and the laptop a dozen times and only partially broke one ornament.
5:31 Saints win the challenge. That could build a little momentum for a team that has less than none of it.
5:33 Jimmy Graham is back and just made a catch that put the Saints inside the Niners 15 yard line.
5:34 And the Saints finally get on the board with the Red Zone Target Jimmy Graham, although they were saved by a no challenge on a Chris Ivory fumble. If the Niners blow this game, that one's getting replayed on every postgame special for two days afterwards. 17-7 Saints.
5:37 You know how when cutting away or to a game, the production crew always shows those view of random people and sights in whatever city they're in? Some idiot on a cable car was doing the whole "look at me, I'm on TV!!! No, seriously! I"M ON TV!!!!!" routine. I hate those people.
5:40 Just checking facebook during a down moment during the game and I've already seen three "the Saints suck" style status updates. You know it's a big game when at least five non-avid football people comment on the game. The only thing that you need to know about the Tebow game is that over 25 people on my friends list commented immediately after Tebow's TD.
5:51 Touchdown Saints! Brees just threw a 23 yard touchdown to Marques Colston. That was the first time we've seen the old Drew Brees, that was such perfect location that I think Kenny Albert might have cried. 17-14 Niners.
6:03 Saints had the momentum until Brees threw his second pick of the day. As Rich Eisen would say, "Momentum just put on a gold dome".
6:09 Niners have to punt it back to the Saints with a minute left. I like what the Niners did this half, they forced turnovers and took the Saints out of what they wanted to do. However, it's a little unsettling that the Candlestick Park JumboTron operator decided to play heavy rock music as Brees walked out on to the field; the "I'm going to kick everybody's butt" type of music that they play in action movies during the most awesome montage.
6:12 Niners are about to get the ball back with thirty seconds left. I guess the montage music only works for Rambo, Chuck Norris, and Tim Tebow.
6:15 IT"S A FUMBLE!!!! AND THE SAINTS HAVE IT!!!!
6:20 17-14 Niners at the half.
6:31 The second half comes back with FOX showing the obligatory highlight reel of the first half with Knigts of Cydonia blaring in the background. I'm pretty sure that there's a "you must play Knights of Cydonia at least once every two weeks" clause in FOX's contract with the NFL.
6:34 Tony Siragusa took off an ugly pair of shades that he was wearing in the first half. Somehow, this made him look worse.
6:38 After another turnover by the Saints (that makes 5), we have a bigger 30 second fight. It looks like some punches might have been thrown, but no unsportsmanlike conduct penalties were issued, although you could make the case that the entire Saints' special teams is unsportsmanlike.
6:41 After Crabtree's third drop, here comes David Akers.
6:42 Akers is good on the field goal, 20-14 Niners. I'm waiting for Brees to punish the Niners for all the wasted opportunities, but the Saints' offense has been largely unsportsmanlike today.
6:47 Brees just connected with Colston for over thirty yards for his first long pass today. The Saints are now on the Niners' side of the field. Jim Harbaugh looks nervous.
6:59 Just as I thought "I need something interesting to happen, nothing has happened in the last twelve minutes", Brees completes a 20 yard pass to kick off a Saints drive.
7:05 It's been a defensive battle during the last eight minutes with nothing that interesting happening on either side. I'm hoping that this token "nothing is happening" comment does not have to persist the entire Ravens-Texans game.
7:11 Ted Ginn is being helped off the field after being incidentally kicked in the behind by Jabari Greer; although when you consider the vicious pick that Ginn laid on him I'm not so sure it was "incidental".
7:13 I've gotta hand it to the Niners, their coverage has been phenomenal. I've never seen so many checkdowns in any game, much less from Drew Brees. Unfortunately, the Niners' pass rush has apparently died since we last saw them in the third quarter. No, that's what happened! I saw them an hour ago and they were fine! We need to get them in the emergency room, quick!!!
7:17 Cool, I was wondering when FOX was going to show the turnover margin graphic. Let me get this straight, teams with +4 turnover margins usually win? We're positive?
7:20 The Saints tack on a Jon Kasay field goal after narrowly missing a big Colston touchdown. 20-17 Niners.
7:25 Niners get a huge break after a dropped interception by the Saints. Each team is going to be kicking themselves after this game in some way or another.
7:29 It's a miracle!! The Niners' pass rush, they're gonna make it!!! Vital signs looking good, they're in stable condition.
7:33 Here comes Gore.... GET OFF ME!!! FRANK GORE! ONE OF THE HARDEST RUNNERS IN THE LEAGUE!!!!!! SHUT UP DREW BREES!!!!!!! Sorry, I was briefly possessed by the spirit of the Marshawn Lynch video guy.
7:34 Third and six on the Saints' 18, is Akers coming out yet?
7:35 And Akers knocks it through!! 23-17 Niners.
7:38 The Niners' special teams has done a fantastic job, I'm pretty sure that the Saints have not started past the 20 yard line. Of course, just as I think that, Daryl Johnston chimes in "This coverage team has been fantastic today". Also, Tony Siragusa looks even worse than last time; he's got that "I wish this game would end, I'm late for dinner" look that Santonio Holmes had going all year.
7:40 We're halfway through the fourth and the Saints are starting to drive down the field. There's nothing more agonizing than leading for the whole game only to lose it on a last minute drive. I think that's what we're heading towards.
7:44 Not only is that what just happened, it was a Brees to Sproles 44 yard touchdown. If I call one more of these sneaky playoff killers, I'll be qualified to write a small book called "Guys who Murder You in the Playoffs". The unassuming co-star, the sneaky good/silently terrifying guy, the guy that's way better than everybody gives him credit for, the veteran that's overdue for a big game, and Tim Tebow are all subcategories.
7:48 And then there's Alex Smith, who definitely falls in to the "none of the above" category, who is being called upon to save the Niners season.
7:49 And Smith just completed a 37 yard perfectly thrown pass to Vernon Davis. Unbelievable. I think it's a given that, one way or another, this game is ending up in David Akers' hands.
7:51 12 Men in the Huddle called on the Niners. Not only did things just become very difficult for the Niners, I think Jim Harbaugh just had a heart attack.
7:53 Touchdown San Francisco!!! Alex Smith (no seriously, Alex Smith) just took it in on a QB rollout. If there is a playcall Hall of Fame, that QB rollout is right up there. The two point conversion is no good. 29-24 Niners.
7:58 The Excellent Niners Coverage Team just stuck the Saints at the twelve yard line. Brees has just over two minutes left with one timeout. It's Here Goes Nothing time for the Saints. Also, it's probably going to be dinner time soon so I might have to start the Pats-Broncos diary a little bit late. Sorry about that. Also, Brees just attempted his 61st pass to get the Saints to their own 34 yard line.
8:03 TOUCHDOWN SAINTS!! Brees threw a 66 yard touchdown pass to Jimmy Graham. Pending two point conversion. Now being asked to save the season yet again; Alex Smith.
8:10 And Alex Smith just saved the season!!!!! Smith threw another huge long pass to Vernon Davis, and then yet another pass to Vernon Davis for the game-wining touchdown. I don't know if that's a sign of the apocalypse, but I'm moving down to the basement anyways for the next couple hours. Hey, you never know when Tebow's involved.
Niners 36 Saints 32. Parts of the Mega-Diary completed: 1 out of 4. Number of times Mom told me to help with the Christmas stuff, 5.
SAINTS VS 49ERS
3:56 I flip to the NFL Pregame show just in time to see Don Rickles insult the entire FOX staff. Typical dentist joke for Strahan, typical hair insult for Jimmie Johnson, and an "I never heard of you and furthermore, I don't care" insult for Kirk Menaphee. Or is it Kurt? I really don't care either.
4:02 I really don't understand why Packers-Giants and Pats-Broncos were that much more interesting to the public than Saints-Niners. I kinda get why Pats-Broncos would be more interesting, but everybody's gonna regret jumping on the Giants bandwagon once the Packers beat them down. Nobody's been paying attention to the Pack all week, everybody's been jumping on the Giants without mentioning that their secondary is overdue for a terrible game. Niners-Saints looks way more interesting, a great defense facing off against a historic offense. I'm going with the Niners in this game for the same reason, everybody's piling on the Saints and their offense without mentioning the Niners' equally great defense. I've seen the Saints D give up some long drives this year, and the Niners do the "get three-four yards per carry, milk the time of possession, always remember the field position battle" routine better than anyone. I like this matchup for San Fran.
4:10 Just watched the "Sounds of the game" FOX and the Niners look 10 times more pumped up about this game than the Saints. Also, the first "Why aren't you helping Dad with the Christmas stuff?" question from Mom happened a few minutes ago. I'm setting the over-under for these questions at 15 for the weekend.
4:21 Just got treated to a segment where Donald Trump picks football games and says that he unofficially bought Tebow Time. Is it any surprise that he picked all the favorites? I think he just pulled up a computer with all the lines, picked the favorites, and mixed in some of his typical Trump superlatives like "luxurious" and "amazing". It's pretty much impossible to be a bigger blowhard than Trump at this point.
4:34 Brees! Smith! It's the NFC Divisional Playoffs on FOX!!!!
4:38 Saints already at midfield on a Darren Sproles 10 yard run. If there's one player that I could see killing the Niners in this game, it's Sproles. In the playoffs, it's very rarely the star that kills you, it's always the secretly terrifying guy that gets overlooked because of the star. Sproles has the stats, skills, and height for the role. As I write this, the Saints are now in the red zone on a pass interference call. Uh-oh.
4:43 Carlos Rogers just dropped an interception that could have killed the Saints' momentum. Instead, the Saints have 1st and goal. It bears mentioning that Jimmy Graham isn't in there anymore, the Niners can be very successful making the Saints match field goals with them.
4:46 Donte Whitner causes a HUGE fumble that the announcers could not rally the proper enthusiasm for. The Niners need a couple of these plays to win considering the fact that they practically send Akers out on first and goal from the 5.
4:52 Niners at midfield as Alex Smith whips a ball five yards behind Ted Ginn. That's really the strongest case for the Saints in a nutshell, the fact that they're going against Alex Smith. A big fumble that happened just now definitely did not help matters.
4:58 The announcers just mentioned a play action pass, prompting dad to ask "What's a play action?" for about the millionth time in ten years. It's almost turned in to a running joke over the years. The Saints just punted after Aldon Smith sacked Drew Brees. Nobody's heard of this guy, but he's had 14 sacks over the course of the season. These are precisely the type of guys who kill you in the playoffs.
5:02 TOUCHDOWN 49ers!!!! Alex Smith threw a 49 yard touchdown pass to Vernon Davis. Davis had the Saints beat roughly one second after he got off the line and ran through Malcolm Jenkins' half-hearted attempt at tackling him. 7-0 Niners.
5:04 I forget which soda is running those"It's not for women" ads, but they're definitely getting sued over it. Martha Burke might be picketing their headquarters right now.
5:09 Brees just threw a pick that the Niners returned to the 5. I've gotta say, the Niners defense has been fantastic at taking away the deep ball. It's first and goal at the four, is David Akers coming out yet?
5:10 Second and goal, are we there yet?
5:11 Third and goal, we just got a camera shot of Alex Smith making the Alex Smith face, Akers might as well start trotting out.
5:12 OK never mind, the Niners just scored. 14-0 San Fran. The Saints have not shown up so far, they haven't looked remotely inspired since the goal line fumble. The Niners are playing like this game is roughly a million times more important to them. It's like Santonio Holmes has invaded the Saints.
5:14 Niners just got the ball on a botched kickoff and several Niners and Saints get in to a scuffle at the end of the play. You might see someone on the Saints pull an Andrew Bynum style body slam on one of the Niners.
5:19 FOX just showed a graphic that stated the Niners' average starting field position is at the Saints' 43. Also, here comes David Akers. Whew. Having Alex Smith throw three touchdowns before halftime in a playoff game would bring about the apocalypse. 17-0 Niners.
5:27 Saints are currently challenging the ruling on the field of a fumble. They'd better, that would make four turnovers before the second quarter is half over. This is just a dominating performance by the Niners' defense, they're refusing to let Colston breathe and Brees has been forced to check it down more times than he had in the whole Detroit game. Also, I'm amazed that I've gone back and forth between the disassembled Christmas tree and the laptop a dozen times and only partially broke one ornament.
5:31 Saints win the challenge. That could build a little momentum for a team that has less than none of it.
5:33 Jimmy Graham is back and just made a catch that put the Saints inside the Niners 15 yard line.
5:34 And the Saints finally get on the board with the Red Zone Target Jimmy Graham, although they were saved by a no challenge on a Chris Ivory fumble. If the Niners blow this game, that one's getting replayed on every postgame special for two days afterwards. 17-7 Saints.
5:37 You know how when cutting away or to a game, the production crew always shows those view of random people and sights in whatever city they're in? Some idiot on a cable car was doing the whole "look at me, I'm on TV!!! No, seriously! I"M ON TV!!!!!" routine. I hate those people.
5:40 Just checking facebook during a down moment during the game and I've already seen three "the Saints suck" style status updates. You know it's a big game when at least five non-avid football people comment on the game. The only thing that you need to know about the Tebow game is that over 25 people on my friends list commented immediately after Tebow's TD.
5:51 Touchdown Saints! Brees just threw a 23 yard touchdown to Marques Colston. That was the first time we've seen the old Drew Brees, that was such perfect location that I think Kenny Albert might have cried. 17-14 Niners.
6:03 Saints had the momentum until Brees threw his second pick of the day. As Rich Eisen would say, "Momentum just put on a gold dome".
6:09 Niners have to punt it back to the Saints with a minute left. I like what the Niners did this half, they forced turnovers and took the Saints out of what they wanted to do. However, it's a little unsettling that the Candlestick Park JumboTron operator decided to play heavy rock music as Brees walked out on to the field; the "I'm going to kick everybody's butt" type of music that they play in action movies during the most awesome montage.
6:12 Niners are about to get the ball back with thirty seconds left. I guess the montage music only works for Rambo, Chuck Norris, and Tim Tebow.
6:15 IT"S A FUMBLE!!!! AND THE SAINTS HAVE IT!!!!
6:20 17-14 Niners at the half.
6:31 The second half comes back with FOX showing the obligatory highlight reel of the first half with Knigts of Cydonia blaring in the background. I'm pretty sure that there's a "you must play Knights of Cydonia at least once every two weeks" clause in FOX's contract with the NFL.
6:34 Tony Siragusa took off an ugly pair of shades that he was wearing in the first half. Somehow, this made him look worse.
6:38 After another turnover by the Saints (that makes 5), we have a bigger 30 second fight. It looks like some punches might have been thrown, but no unsportsmanlike conduct penalties were issued, although you could make the case that the entire Saints' special teams is unsportsmanlike.
6:41 After Crabtree's third drop, here comes David Akers.
6:42 Akers is good on the field goal, 20-14 Niners. I'm waiting for Brees to punish the Niners for all the wasted opportunities, but the Saints' offense has been largely unsportsmanlike today.
6:47 Brees just connected with Colston for over thirty yards for his first long pass today. The Saints are now on the Niners' side of the field. Jim Harbaugh looks nervous.
6:59 Just as I thought "I need something interesting to happen, nothing has happened in the last twelve minutes", Brees completes a 20 yard pass to kick off a Saints drive.
7:05 It's been a defensive battle during the last eight minutes with nothing that interesting happening on either side. I'm hoping that this token "nothing is happening" comment does not have to persist the entire Ravens-Texans game.
7:11 Ted Ginn is being helped off the field after being incidentally kicked in the behind by Jabari Greer; although when you consider the vicious pick that Ginn laid on him I'm not so sure it was "incidental".
7:13 I've gotta hand it to the Niners, their coverage has been phenomenal. I've never seen so many checkdowns in any game, much less from Drew Brees. Unfortunately, the Niners' pass rush has apparently died since we last saw them in the third quarter. No, that's what happened! I saw them an hour ago and they were fine! We need to get them in the emergency room, quick!!!
7:17 Cool, I was wondering when FOX was going to show the turnover margin graphic. Let me get this straight, teams with +4 turnover margins usually win? We're positive?
7:20 The Saints tack on a Jon Kasay field goal after narrowly missing a big Colston touchdown. 20-17 Niners.
7:25 Niners get a huge break after a dropped interception by the Saints. Each team is going to be kicking themselves after this game in some way or another.
7:29 It's a miracle!! The Niners' pass rush, they're gonna make it!!! Vital signs looking good, they're in stable condition.
7:33 Here comes Gore.... GET OFF ME!!! FRANK GORE! ONE OF THE HARDEST RUNNERS IN THE LEAGUE!!!!!! SHUT UP DREW BREES!!!!!!! Sorry, I was briefly possessed by the spirit of the Marshawn Lynch video guy.
7:34 Third and six on the Saints' 18, is Akers coming out yet?
7:35 And Akers knocks it through!! 23-17 Niners.
7:38 The Niners' special teams has done a fantastic job, I'm pretty sure that the Saints have not started past the 20 yard line. Of course, just as I think that, Daryl Johnston chimes in "This coverage team has been fantastic today". Also, Tony Siragusa looks even worse than last time; he's got that "I wish this game would end, I'm late for dinner" look that Santonio Holmes had going all year.
7:40 We're halfway through the fourth and the Saints are starting to drive down the field. There's nothing more agonizing than leading for the whole game only to lose it on a last minute drive. I think that's what we're heading towards.
7:44 Not only is that what just happened, it was a Brees to Sproles 44 yard touchdown. If I call one more of these sneaky playoff killers, I'll be qualified to write a small book called "Guys who Murder You in the Playoffs". The unassuming co-star, the sneaky good/silently terrifying guy, the guy that's way better than everybody gives him credit for, the veteran that's overdue for a big game, and Tim Tebow are all subcategories.
7:48 And then there's Alex Smith, who definitely falls in to the "none of the above" category, who is being called upon to save the Niners season.
7:49 And Smith just completed a 37 yard perfectly thrown pass to Vernon Davis. Unbelievable. I think it's a given that, one way or another, this game is ending up in David Akers' hands.
7:51 12 Men in the Huddle called on the Niners. Not only did things just become very difficult for the Niners, I think Jim Harbaugh just had a heart attack.
7:53 Touchdown San Francisco!!! Alex Smith (no seriously, Alex Smith) just took it in on a QB rollout. If there is a playcall Hall of Fame, that QB rollout is right up there. The two point conversion is no good. 29-24 Niners.
7:58 The Excellent Niners Coverage Team just stuck the Saints at the twelve yard line. Brees has just over two minutes left with one timeout. It's Here Goes Nothing time for the Saints. Also, it's probably going to be dinner time soon so I might have to start the Pats-Broncos diary a little bit late. Sorry about that. Also, Brees just attempted his 61st pass to get the Saints to their own 34 yard line.
8:03 TOUCHDOWN SAINTS!! Brees threw a 66 yard touchdown pass to Jimmy Graham. Pending two point conversion. Now being asked to save the season yet again; Alex Smith.
8:10 And Alex Smith just saved the season!!!!! Smith threw another huge long pass to Vernon Davis, and then yet another pass to Vernon Davis for the game-wining touchdown. I don't know if that's a sign of the apocalypse, but I'm moving down to the basement anyways for the next couple hours. Hey, you never know when Tebow's involved.
Niners 36 Saints 32. Parts of the Mega-Diary completed: 1 out of 4. Number of times Mom told me to help with the Christmas stuff, 5.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Sorry
Hey guys! Sorry about not posting an update in awhile. I've had lots of homework and I've been writing for SIKIDS, so that has taken up a lot of time. I'll be coming out with a new post this weekend, I guarantee it (actual guarantee, not a Rex Ryan guarantee)
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