Week 15 Picks

These are going to again be super quick picks because of the fact that I have both a mild cold and a severe case of writer's block. I wrote that past sentence on Wednesday and I'm writing this one Thursday Night. At the rate I was going, I wouldn't be finished with the column by the time Chris Paul decides to flee the Clippers next year. Anyways, here are the picks.

COWBOYS OVER BUCS

Despte my better judgement, I'm picking the Cowboys, even though this is usually the type of game that the Boys lose. I just don't see a way that the Bucs can win with all of the turnovers and poor defensive play we've seen lately. By the way, remember in my NFL Preview when I said that the Bucs might be ready to get in to the playoffs? Actually, no, you shouldn't remember that. Just forget that ever happened. Did I even write an NFL Preview this year? I don't remember anything like that ocurring.

DOLPHINS OVER BILLS

Over the last half of this season, the Dolphins have been the team that Vegas is just begging people to wager against. It's kinda funny that even though the Dolphins have easily covered against Buffalo, Oakland, and Dallas, over 60 percent of Pigskin Pick 'Em players still have Buffalo over Miami this week. Keep trying, Vegas oddsmakers, you're not getting me on this one. Dolphins 27 Bills 13.

SEAHAWKS OVER BEARS

I can't decide which is more depressing, the Bears' offense without Cutler and Forte or the Chiefs' offense without Cassel and Charles. I did point out that the Bears' good luck with injuries last year was bound to swing the other way sometime in my NFL Preview Column (Ohhhh, now I remember writing one! Don't worry, we're going over every major prediction in my NFL Postmortem Column. I feel obligated to defend these predictions to my 40 to 50 readers). Also, I'm still rooting for that far-fetched "Every wild card contender in the NFC is at 9-7" scenario, although the Falcons mauling the Jaguars as I write this isn't helping matters at all. Seahawks win big as Marshawn Lynch (really overused joke coming. wait for it...... wait for it..... just a little longer.......) PUTS THE TEAM ON HIS BACK!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, I couldn't resist.

BENGALS OVER RAMS

How depressing does it have to be for Rams fans that just a few months ago, everybody was saying that there was no doubt that Bradford was going to be an elite QB, and now those chances have dropped from 95% to pretty close to 0%? The Sam Bradford era so far has pretty nicely summed up what it was probably like to be a Rams fan these past few years. Dalton connects with Green on three long touchdowns as the Bengals keep their playoff hopes alive for one more week before seeing them crushed in Baltimore.

PACKERS OVER CHIEFS

Hi, Aaron! Can I have your autograph? Oh thanks, you're the greatest! Yeah, make that out to Tyler Palko. No, Palko P-A-L-K-O. Yeah, I was out there today. You didn't see me? (awkward pause) Okay bye Aaron.

TITANS OVER COLTS
After the Colts inevitably lose this game, I'm pretty sure that the making of Anrew Luck Colts jerseys can begin. The Colts have neither the talent nor incentives to win this game, and I wouldn't be surprised if they started benching key players. I love it how all the Colts fans were in an uproar when Caldwell benched the starters in 09, but they're probably overjoyed that they're sitting when they know that it'll all be worth it when Andrew Luck starts to pull an 05 Roethlisberger at the beginning of next season. Titans win big.
SAINTS OVER VIKINGS
The Saints can lock up the division title with a win over possibly the most cursed team in the NFL. That's really all you need to know about this game.
GIANTS OVER REDSKINS
If you're looking for another game to take the points on (if you're betting the spread), then look no further! The Redskins continue to be undervalued and the Giants continue to be overvalued, so this is really the perfect storm of an underdog cover. I still think the Giants win (the Redskins' defense is the proverbial turd in the punchbowl in this bet. Eli should have over 300 yards and two TDs this week.), but the score is gonna be a lot closer than people think.
TEXANS OVER PANTHERS
By the way, this column has now started to bleed in to Friday. This is promising. I might even finish this column before Eddy Curry puts half the lockout weight back on. In a related story, I thought it was a good idea to pick Carolina over Houston in a huge upset. Not a good idea. Yates still has a good week or two left until the crap hits the fan.
LIONS OVER RAIDERS
We always have one of those games late in the season where two teams that did well earlier start to decline and then have to play each other to determine which one will stay alive. I never like picking these games because it's impossible to determine which one is free-falling faster. I'm placing my bets on the Lions because I'm pretty sure it would be a felony to place money on the Raiders after their last two games.
CARDINALS OVER BROWNS
I can't think of anything interesting to write about this game. Sorry. Just know that I tried for like twenty minutes.
PATRIOTS OVER BRONCOS
I love picking one team over another for stupid reasons, and Rick Perry just gave me a great one by comparing himself to Tim Tebow. Forget about the fact that I don't think the Broncos can keep up with the Pats scoring wise, it's pretty much the kiss of death when George Bush III compares himself to you. Sorry Tebow.
JETS OVER EAGLES
I'm legitimately terrified of this game. An Eagles team that still has last gasp playoff hopes facing a Jets team that's tricking everybody in to believing they're good again (three games against Buffalo, Washington, and Kansas City will do that) is a really scary proposition. In a related story, we saw the exact same scenario in 2009. If you take a look at that Jets season and this one, the parallels are pretty scary for Jets fans. However, the Jets are roping me in again and I can't help it. 27-23 Jets. I suddenly feel sick.
CHARGERS OVER RAVENS
My actual upset pick of the week! This seems like the type of game that the Ravens are due to lose. They  are outplaying their talent level by a good win or two, so it's about time that the Chargers submit one of those "dominating performance when they've already either locked up a first round bye or have been eliminated" that we're accustomed to seeing. Chargers knock off the Ravens.
STEELER OVER NINERS
I think the defenses in this game are relatively equal. As long as the Steelers don't completely dominate the Niners' offense (which I don't think they will), expect a defensive and physical struggle. However, the Steelers offense is better than the Niners offense by a little bit, and the Niners' inability to generate touchdowns in the red zone will ultimately be their downfall. As long as the Steelers' offense does not turn the ball over (which they might, the Niners are first in the league in give/take ratio), the score will be  17-12 Steelers.

ONE MAN'S THOUGHTS ON THE BOWL SEASON

                Ever since Weeks 11 and 12 of the college football season, we knew this would happen. LSU wasn’t losing a game, Alabama wasn’t going to lose again, and everybody else might as well have not played their last few games. No matter how many “statements” that teams like Oklahoma State made (I guess beating a top 10 team 44-10 on a neutral field doesn’t qualify as enough of a statement), we knew that this was going to be an LSU-Alabama Championship. I can’t speak for everybody, but I hate this rematch. It was a mind-numbingly boring game the first time, and it looks to be that way again. An LSU-Oklahoma State championship would have been one of the most entertaining championships in recent history, the best offense in college football going up against one of the best defenses in college football. Instead, we all get treated to SnoreFest Part 2. I want to argue. I want to shout that it isn’t fair. I want to force them to make every single change that I wrote about in my Manifesto of College Football Reform (on my blog sportsaccordingtoslice.blogspot.com. Check it out to see some of my earlier columns). But, deep down inside, I really can’t argue this pick. I might hate it, but I can’t argue it. Why? Because these are the two best teams. Those are just the facts of it. With that piece of info in mind, here are some other assorted thoughts on this year’s bowl season in no particular order.

                Before we get to anything else, it’s time for my rant about Boise State. I’m naturally biased towards any non-BCS team that’s good enough to make a BCS bowl, and Boise State just happens to fit the bill. But you can’t tell me that what they did to Boise State isn’t ridiculous (You know I feel strongly about something when I use a double negative). Any system where a team goes 11-1, gets the number 7 ranking, and not only doesn’t get in to the BCS, but gets stuck playing in an insignificant bowl game with six million dollars less of a payout than the Outback Bowl is flawed. I mention the Outback Bowl because that’s where Georgia is playing. You know, the Georgia that Boise State beat 35-21 in their own stadium on opening weekend? Let’s move on before I start smashing my head against my keyboard.

                Quick insignificant note: how embarrassed are Ohio State and Florida fans that their teams are playing in the Taxslayer Bowl? Three years ago, if anybody would even dare to say “In three years, Florida and Ohio State will be 6-6 and playing each other in the Taxslayer Bowl”, that person would have been declared insane. Also, is it just me or does Taxslayer sound like the main character from some kind of bad video game parody? You’re right, it’s just me.

                I know that I’ve briefly touched on this, but I want to make one rule for the media discussing the LSU-Alabama rematch. Please don’t refer to the first game as a “classic SEC matchup” or a “hard-hitting defensive game”. Oftentimes, those are just euphemisms that hide the fact that the game was awful. I watched the whole thing and at no point whatsoever did I ever say to myself “Wow, this is a good game”. Last year’s national championship was a defensive struggle because both sides of the ball played well, it’s just that the defense played better. LSU-Alabama was a completely different story. A combined total of 8-24 on third downs and a combined thirteen penalties for 129 yards is not a defensive struggle, that’s just sloppy football.

                Since Alabama-LSU is a somewhat boring game for the championship rematch, the most interesting and otherwise significant bowl game is Stanford-Oklahoma State. It’s the last chance we get to see Andrew Luck before the combine, as well as top flight receiver Justin Blackmon for OSU. It’ll be Stanford’s balanced attack against Oklahoma State’s punishing offense. I’ll take that game over SnoreFest 2 any day of the week.

     I love college football. If the NFL Lockout had happened, would I gladly give up college football to get it back? In the interest of full honesty, yes. Why do I still love this game? This excerpt from my Manifesto column should give a shortened version of just why; “Nowhere else can a quarterback throw for nine touchdowns like Case Keenum did last week. Nowhere else can you show up at any given stadium, no matter how crappy the team, and be assured that at least 90 percent of the stadium are diehard fans. Nowhere else can more than forty teams enter the season as contenders for a National Championship.”

                On January 9^th, millions of people across America will tune in to watch the National Championship Game between the Alabama Crimson Tide and the LSU Tigers. And even though I don’t like the matchup, I’ll still be one of them.

Week 13 Super Quick Picks

This is gonna be a really short column. Maybe a couple sentences for each game. Don't like doing these, but I've got stuff to do this weekend. Also, I'll begin writing for SIKIDS soon. The things that I write for SI will not appear on the blog and vice versa. I strongly encourage all of my 20-25 readers to check out the SIKIDS blog. Let's get to the picks.

TEXANS OVER FALCONS

I can't wait to pick against Jake Delhomme in the playoffs. That said, the Texans are finally a good team. Expect a sloppy game by both teams (the Falcons are waaaaaay overdue for one) that the Texans win.

BILLS OVER TITANS

Just when you think the Titans are out, they pull you back in. And just when you think they're in, they throw you back out.

BEARS OVER CHIEFS

I've gotta say, the Bears were surprisingly good last week. They'll get a chance to rest this week before playing The Polarizing Tim Tebow. Bears win big.

BRONCOS OVER VIKINGS

It's (wait for it)....... (wait for it)...... (here it comes)..... TEBOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For all the credit that Tebow's been getting, nobody has been giving much credit to the Denver defense. It rose from 27th to 12th over the last few weeks. Put it this way, I think that even the Vikings fans might be rooting for Tebow at the end of this game.

PATRIOTS OVER COLTS

If the Patriots lose this game, I'm pretty sure it would involve a conspiracy to keep the Colts from getting the number one pick. Actually, that wouldn't be a bad idea. Think about it: you have your division locked up, you have nothing much to play for, and your biggest rival is the worst it's been for ages and without its hall of fame QB. Or is this a terrible idea? You're right, it's a terrible idea.

DOLPHINS OVER RAIDERS

The Dolphins are the sneaky good team that nobody wants to play right now. Vegas is just begging you to put money on the Raiders. Sorry, not falling for that one. You know, if I were in Vegas and not writing this from my school's library.

JETS OVER REDSKINS

I'm legitimately terrified of this game because when you think about it, this is Dolphins-Raiders to a lesser extent. A playoff-caliber team playing its worst (the Jets) facing a team that has nothing to lose and has a quarterback that has performed way too well for no logical reason (Rex Grossman)? Uh, let's just stop talking about this game before I have a panic attack.

PANTHERS OVER BUCS

I always place way too much faith in the Panthers because I believe in Cam Newton. The Panthers' defense would usually make me lean the other way, but the Bucs' offense has been so mistake-prone that I honestly believe the Panthers can give up less than 30 points.

RAVENS OVER BROWNS

I'd watch out for this game. The Browns almost upset the Bengals last week, and they'll keep it close with Baltimore for awhile. I would even make this my upset pick of the week, before realizing that picking against the Ravens D against crappy quarterbacks would result in my arrest and eventual banning from picking a game ever again.

COWBOYS OVER CARDINALS

Kevin Kolb might return on Sunday to face the Cowboys...... and nobody cares. I think that Kolb vs Skelton might be a legitimate debate for Cardinals fans at this point. Hey, it's not like the Cardinals gave up a good corner and a second round pick for him.

PACKERS OVER GIANTS

Is it finally time for the Giants collapse to begin? Every year, it's either the Giants or the Cowboys that fall short of expectations. I have a lot less faith in the Giants than I do the Cowboys, so the Giants are my collapse pick for the end of the season. For everybody that has Aaron Rodgers as their fantasy football QB, enjoy a nice fillet of the Giants defense.

NINERS OVER RAMS

I don't actually have to talk about the NFC West, do I? Let me answer my own question: NO.

SAINTS OVER LIONS

Lions, Bills, and at least one NFC East team. They're the collapsing standbys ever year. If you see any of these teams doing well, don't believe they're in the playoffs even for a second until they clinch. They should be two games worse than they are, with miracle comebacks against Dallas and Minnesota (2-9) preventing them from being 5-6. Meanwhile, the Saints are playing their best football of the year. Lions D surrenders four Brees touchdowns as the Lions win.

CHARGERS OVER JAGUARS

Is anybody else excited for a game between sub .500 teams with no playoff implications and two inept offenses? Anyone? No? I'm shocked.

Stay tuned for Week 14 next week.