These are going to again be super quick picks because of the fact that I have both a mild cold and a severe case of writer's block. I wrote that past sentence on Wednesday and I'm writing this one Thursday Night. At the rate I was going, I wouldn't be finished with the column by the time Chris Paul decides to flee the Clippers next year. Anyways, here are the picks.
COWBOYS OVER BUCS
Despte my better judgement, I'm picking the Cowboys, even though this is usually the type of game that the Boys lose. I just don't see a way that the Bucs can win with all of the turnovers and poor defensive play we've seen lately. By the way, remember in my NFL Preview when I said that the Bucs might be ready to get in to the playoffs? Actually, no, you shouldn't remember that. Just forget that ever happened. Did I even write an NFL Preview this year? I don't remember anything like that ocurring.
DOLPHINS OVER BILLS
Over the last half of this season, the Dolphins have been the team that Vegas is just begging people to wager against. It's kinda funny that even though the Dolphins have easily covered against Buffalo, Oakland, and Dallas, over 60 percent of Pigskin Pick 'Em players still have Buffalo over Miami this week. Keep trying, Vegas oddsmakers, you're not getting me on this one. Dolphins 27 Bills 13.
SEAHAWKS OVER BEARS
I can't decide which is more depressing, the Bears' offense without Cutler and Forte or the Chiefs' offense without Cassel and Charles. I did point out that the Bears' good luck with injuries last year was bound to swing the other way sometime in my NFL Preview Column (Ohhhh, now I remember writing one! Don't worry, we're going over every major prediction in my NFL Postmortem Column. I feel obligated to defend these predictions to my 40 to 50 readers). Also, I'm still rooting for that far-fetched "Every wild card contender in the NFC is at 9-7" scenario, although the Falcons mauling the Jaguars as I write this isn't helping matters at all. Seahawks win big as Marshawn Lynch (really overused joke coming. wait for it...... wait for it..... just a little longer.......) PUTS THE TEAM ON HIS BACK!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, I couldn't resist.
BENGALS OVER RAMS
How depressing does it have to be for Rams fans that just a few months ago, everybody was saying that there was no doubt that Bradford was going to be an elite QB, and now those chances have dropped from 95% to pretty close to 0%? The Sam Bradford era so far has pretty nicely summed up what it was probably like to be a Rams fan these past few years. Dalton connects with Green on three long touchdowns as the Bengals keep their playoff hopes alive for one more week before seeing them crushed in Baltimore.
PACKERS OVER CHIEFS
Hi, Aaron! Can I have your autograph? Oh thanks, you're the greatest! Yeah, make that out to Tyler Palko. No, Palko P-A-L-K-O. Yeah, I was out there today. You didn't see me? (awkward pause) Okay bye Aaron.
TITANS OVER COLTS
After the Colts inevitably lose this game, I'm pretty sure that the making of Anrew Luck Colts jerseys can begin. The Colts have neither the talent nor incentives to win this game, and I wouldn't be surprised if they started benching key players. I love it how all the Colts fans were in an uproar when Caldwell benched the starters in 09, but they're probably overjoyed that they're sitting when they know that it'll all be worth it when Andrew Luck starts to pull an 05 Roethlisberger at the beginning of next season. Titans win big.
SAINTS OVER VIKINGS
The Saints can lock up the division title with a win over possibly the most cursed team in the NFL. That's really all you need to know about this game.
GIANTS OVER REDSKINS
If you're looking for another game to take the points on (if you're betting the spread), then look no further! The Redskins continue to be undervalued and the Giants continue to be overvalued, so this is really the perfect storm of an underdog cover. I still think the Giants win (the Redskins' defense is the proverbial turd in the punchbowl in this bet. Eli should have over 300 yards and two TDs this week.), but the score is gonna be a lot closer than people think.
TEXANS OVER PANTHERS
By the way, this column has now started to bleed in to Friday. This is promising. I might even finish this column before Eddy Curry puts half the lockout weight back on. In a related story, I thought it was a good idea to pick Carolina over Houston in a huge upset. Not a good idea. Yates still has a good week or two left until the crap hits the fan.
LIONS OVER RAIDERS
We always have one of those games late in the season where two teams that did well earlier start to decline and then have to play each other to determine which one will stay alive. I never like picking these games because it's impossible to determine which one is free-falling faster. I'm placing my bets on the Lions because I'm pretty sure it would be a felony to place money on the Raiders after their last two games.
CARDINALS OVER BROWNS
I can't think of anything interesting to write about this game. Sorry. Just know that I tried for like twenty minutes.
PATRIOTS OVER BRONCOS
I love picking one team over another for stupid reasons, and Rick Perry just gave me a great one by comparing himself to Tim Tebow. Forget about the fact that I don't think the Broncos can keep up with the Pats scoring wise, it's pretty much the kiss of death when George Bush III compares himself to you. Sorry Tebow.
JETS OVER EAGLES
I'm legitimately terrified of this game. An Eagles team that still has last gasp playoff hopes facing a Jets team that's tricking everybody in to believing they're good again (three games against Buffalo, Washington, and Kansas City will do that) is a really scary proposition. In a related story, we saw the exact same scenario in 2009. If you take a look at that Jets season and this one, the parallels are pretty scary for Jets fans. However, the Jets are roping me in again and I can't help it. 27-23 Jets. I suddenly feel sick.
CHARGERS OVER RAVENS
My actual upset pick of the week! This seems like the type of game that the Ravens are due to lose. They are outplaying their talent level by a good win or two, so it's about time that the Chargers submit one of those "dominating performance when they've already either locked up a first round bye or have been eliminated" that we're accustomed to seeing. Chargers knock off the Ravens.
STEELER OVER NINERS
I think the defenses in this game are relatively equal. As long as the Steelers don't completely dominate the Niners' offense (which I don't think they will), expect a defensive and physical struggle. However, the Steelers offense is better than the Niners offense by a little bit, and the Niners' inability to generate touchdowns in the red zone will ultimately be their downfall. As long as the Steelers' offense does not turn the ball over (which they might, the Niners are first in the league in give/take ratio), the score will be 17-12 Steelers.
After the Colts inevitably lose this game, I'm pretty sure that the making of Anrew Luck Colts jerseys can begin. The Colts have neither the talent nor incentives to win this game, and I wouldn't be surprised if they started benching key players. I love it how all the Colts fans were in an uproar when Caldwell benched the starters in 09, but they're probably overjoyed that they're sitting when they know that it'll all be worth it when Andrew Luck starts to pull an 05 Roethlisberger at the beginning of next season. Titans win big.
SAINTS OVER VIKINGS
The Saints can lock up the division title with a win over possibly the most cursed team in the NFL. That's really all you need to know about this game.
GIANTS OVER REDSKINS
If you're looking for another game to take the points on (if you're betting the spread), then look no further! The Redskins continue to be undervalued and the Giants continue to be overvalued, so this is really the perfect storm of an underdog cover. I still think the Giants win (the Redskins' defense is the proverbial turd in the punchbowl in this bet. Eli should have over 300 yards and two TDs this week.), but the score is gonna be a lot closer than people think.
TEXANS OVER PANTHERS
By the way, this column has now started to bleed in to Friday. This is promising. I might even finish this column before Eddy Curry puts half the lockout weight back on. In a related story, I thought it was a good idea to pick Carolina over Houston in a huge upset. Not a good idea. Yates still has a good week or two left until the crap hits the fan.
LIONS OVER RAIDERS
We always have one of those games late in the season where two teams that did well earlier start to decline and then have to play each other to determine which one will stay alive. I never like picking these games because it's impossible to determine which one is free-falling faster. I'm placing my bets on the Lions because I'm pretty sure it would be a felony to place money on the Raiders after their last two games.
CARDINALS OVER BROWNS
I can't think of anything interesting to write about this game. Sorry. Just know that I tried for like twenty minutes.
PATRIOTS OVER BRONCOS
I love picking one team over another for stupid reasons, and Rick Perry just gave me a great one by comparing himself to Tim Tebow. Forget about the fact that I don't think the Broncos can keep up with the Pats scoring wise, it's pretty much the kiss of death when George Bush III compares himself to you. Sorry Tebow.
JETS OVER EAGLES
I'm legitimately terrified of this game. An Eagles team that still has last gasp playoff hopes facing a Jets team that's tricking everybody in to believing they're good again (three games against Buffalo, Washington, and Kansas City will do that) is a really scary proposition. In a related story, we saw the exact same scenario in 2009. If you take a look at that Jets season and this one, the parallels are pretty scary for Jets fans. However, the Jets are roping me in again and I can't help it. 27-23 Jets. I suddenly feel sick.
CHARGERS OVER RAVENS
My actual upset pick of the week! This seems like the type of game that the Ravens are due to lose. They are outplaying their talent level by a good win or two, so it's about time that the Chargers submit one of those "dominating performance when they've already either locked up a first round bye or have been eliminated" that we're accustomed to seeing. Chargers knock off the Ravens.
STEELER OVER NINERS
I think the defenses in this game are relatively equal. As long as the Steelers don't completely dominate the Niners' offense (which I don't think they will), expect a defensive and physical struggle. However, the Steelers offense is better than the Niners offense by a little bit, and the Niners' inability to generate touchdowns in the red zone will ultimately be their downfall. As long as the Steelers' offense does not turn the ball over (which they might, the Niners are first in the league in give/take ratio), the score will be 17-12 Steelers.
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