1:00 Yates! Flacco!! It's the AFC Divisional Playoffs on CBS!
1:05 After a huge kickoff return by Danieal, Yates completes a 10 yard pass to Andre Johnson to set the Texans up at the 30. It's scary to think what the Texans could have done if Schaub, Foster, Johnson, and the entire defense were healthy for the whole season instead of a few games. 14-2 definitely would not have been out of the question. Instead, we have T.J. Yates starting in Baltimore. This is not ending well for Houston.
1:09 3-0 Texans on a Rackers field goal. I also got to see the stupid touchdown celebration Southwest Airlines commercial again. I might cry if I see that commercial one more time.
1:12 The Ravens just dodged a bullet on a special teams fumble recovery. Take it from a Jets fan, nothing kills a team faster than turnovers, specifically special teams turnovers. Also, this game is the odds on favorite for least interesting of the weekend. It would have been a great game if Schaub were starting instead of Yates, but Schaub injured his Lisfranc in Week 12. I don't know what a Lisfranc is.
1:14 Speaking of special teams turnovers, the Ravens just got a huge one as the spirit of Antonio Cromartie invaded Jacoby Jones and forced him to try and field a bouncing punt with two guys on him. I've seen a lot of dumb special teams plays, but that was the dumbest bar none.
1:16 Touchdown Baltimore! Flacco to Kris Wilson on a one yard touchdown!! Don't worry, it's much less interesting than the exclamation points would suggest. Also, no matter what happens in this game, Ravens management should really send Jacoby Jones a gift basket.
1:22 It's impossible for Gary Kubiak to look more confused than he is now. Oh, wait, that's how he always looks.
1:24 Every time I see the Galaxy Nexus "organize your social life in to circles" commercial, I keep thinking about what it would be like if you accidentally posted something meant for friends to your ex-girlfriend circle. In ten years, that's going to replace clicking "send all" on an insulting email as the number one social/computer related mistake.
1:28 Baltimore drive stalls in Houston territory after a sack-fumble was recovered by Baltimore. Cundiff just hit a field goal from 48 yards out to make it 10-3.
1:33 Just found out that T.J. Yates' full name is Taylor Jonathan Yates. I'm pretty sure that there has never been a whiter name in the history of mankind.
1:38 Flacco complained to media this week that he does not get enough respect (which I think is true), so he grew an intimidating playoff fu manchu. I'm still asking the PHS swimming team to grow sectionals goatees.
1:40 That's turnover number 2 on the day for Houston, Baltimore gets the ball on the Houston 40. Is anyone else super excited for a Ravens blowout? No?
1:44 Touchdown Baltimore! A 27 yard pass from Flacco to Rice on a blitz and then a 12 yard touchdown to Boldin put the Ravens up 17-3. We're one Yates pick and Baltimore touchdown away from me playing Skyrim. Nah, I've got to keep up with this at least until halftime.
1:49 Cool, now it looks like both Ed Reed and Arian Foster got injured. I was wondering if this game could be less interesting. Although maybe that is a point of interest, seeing how not interesting it could be. I suddenly have a headache.
1:54 The Texans are gunning for the end zone from the Ravens 10. Of course, Yates overthrows Andre Johnson in the end zone by a good four feet.
1:58 17-6 Ravens on another Rackers field goal. Judging from the way that the Ravens defense has cooked Taylor Jonathan Yates III, the Texans could not be more done.
2:01 Two random fans in Baltimore are dressed up as first down markers. This is the most exciting thing that's happened all game.
2:07 Jon Harbaugh challenged an Arian Foster 25 yard run on the basis that he stepped out of bounds. It's OK, Marvin Lewis. You can step out of that Jon Harbaugh costume now, we know you're here.
2:13 The Texans are inside the Ravens 30 on another Foster run. It looks like the Texans are starting to make a game of it.
2:16 Texans on the one yard line after a one handed catch by Arian Foster. It's amazing to watch Foster, every game he plays with the same intensity and never stops running like a freight train. He never takes the easy way out, he never runs like he does not want to be tackled , basically he's the running back version of Santonio Holmes, only the exact opposite if that makes any sense.
2:20 Touchdown Houston! Arian Foster took it in on a one yard touchdown dive to make it 17-13 Ravens. Foster already has 15 carries, 95 yards, and a touchdown (not including receiving yards) I mentioned that we haven't hit halftime yet, right?
2:26 Flacco just completed a long pass to Boldin that was so technically perfect that Dan Dierdorff woke up from his nap. Perfect location from Flacco and an amazing catch by Boldin put the Ravens inside Texan territory. Anquan Boldin looks like the favorite for MVP of this game so far, he's bailed Flacco out a couple times with some big catches.
2:30 The Ravens drive stalls after J.J. Watt sacks Flacco. That should take us to halftime and me to the freezer for an ice cream sandwich.
2:39 We go to the CBS halftime crew with special guest Ndamukong Suh! I've gotta say, Ndamukong has been pretty enlightening, I could absolutely see him as a broadcaster in ten or fifteen years. I thought he was going to suffer from a Strahan style lisp or something like that, but he's been great so far.
2:48 The second half starts with a shout-out to the punt/pass/kick competition. I remember when I used to want to do that before I realized that I don't have the slighest bit of talent for it. I also wanted to be in the NFL when I was six but was stymied by the whole lack of talent/lack of any pain tolerance combination. Although I suppose I might get Carpal Tunnel by 2015 if I keep writing these diaries.
2:58 ESPN reports that Jeff Fisher and Brian Schottenheimer are talking about Schotty going to the Rams. If you use Bill Simmons' coach hiring method (float their name out as a possibility and then check the previous teams message boards), this is about the most obvious no hire ever.
3:00 The Texans defense is starting to come on, they're teeing off on Flacco right now. He looks more confused than Gary Kubiak trying to decide a fourth and two play.
3:06 The Texans are at the Ravens 33 as Joe Flacco still looks like a Karate Kid villian in his awesome Fu Manchu.
3:09 Rackers misses on a field goal to keep the score 17-13. Besides turnovers, nothing kills a team faster than missed field goals. Again, take it from a Jets fan.
3:12 Flacco is inside the Houston red zone as Lee Evans makes a tremendous one handed back shoulder catch over Kareem Jackson. That's the third or fourth amazing catch over Kareem Jackson today. I almost feel bad for him because it's been great coverage every time, he's just been victimized by Anquan Boldin.
3:15 It's fourth and goal on the one for Baltimore. I'd say go for it, you've gotta have faith in Ray Rice and your offfensive line. If you don't get it, you leave Yates throwing in to the wind on the one yard line.
3:16 The Ravens went for it and didn't get it. Still, I like the decision by Harbaugh, there's really no downside to going for it at the one. Bill Belichick would smile approvingly at that past sentence. You know, if Bill Belichick weren't an emotionless robot.
3:20 And the Texans can't get it back to the five yard line before they're forced to punt. The Ravens will get it at the 50 yard line. That's the best thing about going for it inside two yards, if you don't make it, you're guarunteed good field position on your next drive as long as you can hold them to under 15 or 20 yards.
3:26 Couldn't help but notice that the punt/pass/kick championships in the 14-15 year old division was won by two Vikings fans. Besides nearly making the Super Bowl in 2009, this is the best thing that's happened for the Vikes in the last decade or so.
3:32 At this point, the Texans are not even bothering trying to hide the fact that Arian Foster is their whole offense at this point. They're either riding Foster to a victory in the fourth quarter (with 11 minutes left) or going home.
3:37 And Joe Flacco goes down again!! I've got to give credit to this Texans defense, they've completely disrupted Joe Flacco and Ray Rice all day, especially J.J. Watt. Watt is going to take Jared Allen's place as the best defensive end in football in four or five years. Just watch.
3:42 After getting a lucky bounce on a Foster fumble, Yates throws another pick to Lardarius Webb. I have to give Yates credit, he's been pretty good considering the circumstances. However, considering it's an unproven rookie and he's on the road in Baltimore, you knew this had to happen at some point, right?
3:45 The Ravens have the ball across midfield with 4 minutes left in the fourth. They just need two or three more first downs and this game is over.
3:50 Two straight incomplete passes stop the clock at 2:50. Here comes Cundiff.
3:52 And Cundiff nails it! 20-13 Baltimore with three minutes left in the game. This is pretty much the best situation that the Texans could have hoped for. I use the word "best" in perspective because there really is no best case scenario with T.J. Yates on the road in Baltimore for a playoff game.
3:56 Uh-oh, I definitely spoke too soon on T.J. Yates. He just connected with Andre Johnson on two long passes to get inside the Ravens' 40. This game has come a long way from its not interesting beginnings.
3:58 Yates just got picked by Ed Reed and it looks like this game is over.
4:01 First down Baltimore. Ravens 20 Texans 13 Ravens Turnovers 0 Texans Turnovers 4. Parts of the Mega-Diary completed 3
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